PRO-DU30 WITH RESERVATIONS

I was solid supporter of President Duterte during the election campaign period till I casted my vote.  But after about five months in his office, I started to realize I am losing trust to the man I thought the right one, unique, humble and patriotic.  Something wrong is going-on.  His bold and assured promise of cleaning the country from drugs, criminalities and corruption in 6 months which is the main reason why I voted the fearless man but later admitted a miscalculation is a big disappointment.  His brave pronouncement of riding in a jet ski to plant the Philippine flag in Spratlys showed his courage and patriotism but later admitted just a joke which contradict to what I rooted about him during the election campaign is a big disappointment – am I laughable to joke this is my reaction.  His confession “Emilio Aguinaldo” campaign fund statement that turned out to be from influential and allied Marcoses is another big dismay.  All these (well just some of those) are clear lies that fucking-up the people.

And then many untoward incidents that are contradicting to my principles are just accumulating.  Right after assuming the office, his threat to Senator Leila Delima to be jailed by hook or by crook, and then followed by more infamous acts like his proud and loud defense in Extra Judicial Killing, disregarding human’s life, his influence to bury Ferdinand Marcos in LNMB, his inappropriate curse, rhetoric and outrage with US-UN-EU and Catholic church, romancing with China, doubt in the existence of God, extension of Martial Law in Mindanao, oppressing the media who are critical of the administration,  ignoring the positive verdict of The Hague, lame approach in handling WSP claim, intervene in ousting the SC Chief Justice, enforced SSS pension hike, TRAIN law, his sexist behavior, misogynistic remarks and disrespect for women, political vengeance – all these have mounted up and my discontents have just grew up.

I was stunned when P. Duterte came to us.  I said finally the man with ball is here to clean our country.  With his tough personality, I supposed here is the man to bring back the peace and order again in our country.  I admired his courage to name and dedication to haunt the culprits of drugs, it looks like he doesn’t care who the hell big names are involved.  At first I held back when seen his unique fearless rhetoric that many people liked and enjoyed and yelled “it’s only P. Duterte can able to curse the US, EU, UN and even the Pope”.  But hey, it’s not just all wrath but it has to have governance and financial platform too.  The country has so many issues to deal with rather than exhausting on drugs campaign.  The economy, employment, education, transportation, prices and others which must highly addressed too.  And yes, at first I even admired his courage but later when it seemed selective courage only, I think twice and started asking.  Why is he digging controversies of his political opponents and retaliating the oppositions?  Why is he tolerating and justifying his cabinet’s misbehaviors and spread of fake news?

His continuous lies after lies that started in that jet ski in WPS and then followed again and again with another like the fabricated DBS offshore bank account of Senator Antonio Trillanes, his denial of being wealthy but from poor father then later admitted the millions inherited from died Governor father when high school, and his speech right in front of the respected soldiers to shoot him as a sign of his honesty if found his bank account exceeds 40M later he said in an interview it is a little less than 200M.  Now fabricating story of The Hague arbitral ruling to throw the responsibility to the previous administration?  All these flip-flopping, inconsistencies and lies are really putting me in big-big dismay.  The height, his disrespect to our constitution in many occasions by insisting his own interpretation and his entrusting the Chinese government and soldiers to defend him in attempt of ousting him in the office instead of the Filipino soldiers – these are all unbecoming the leader to trust on.  I have to end the long list of questions with these:  He has all the power and that whopping intelligence fund but why are the big-time drugs manufacturers as the real culprits are at large while the poor users and small time pushers were killed?

It’s getting worse.  Prices are rising, inflation goes up, unemployment gets worse, foreign debts grows, pesos dive nose, yet people are still overjoyed with the arrogance of Duterte’s administration.  With blind supporters and overconfident cabinet, change is scamming.  People are changing – into worse.  When promoting killing and vulgarity become acceptable in our present time, values go down in deep. Nowadays we have these anti-Christians around us calling the Heads of the church “ulol”, blaspheming whoever opposed, shouting “kill-kill-kill”, clapping the lewd and vulgar words, isn’t it really true these people have poor faith?  Where in the Books have they found these are okay?   No doubt, I still like his strong and influential personality up to this day but this doesn’t mean I have to accept his repetitive lies, continuous misbehavior, autocracy and disrespect to women, to my church and to constitution.  Still holding on  to the man, but I am now a pro-Duterte with reservations.

IN MEMORIAM OF MY MOTHER (A MOTHER'S LOVE)

A day after my mother’s interment, I started to arrange her stuff that she kept for long time.  Her things should now be placed on the right spot where they will be preserved and valued as they will be important until they last.  So I have to deal with this heartbreaking but necessary moment.  While doing the chore, it was so nice to see little gifts or simply knickknacks that I’m sure meant something for my mother.  Same with seeing old letters, cards and pictures that can’t help to think but to reminisce for a while seeing them again.  Until this moment in time that blew me away while doing the chore, there was this THING that paused me for a while and shed some tears on my eyes.  Because that THING proved how much my mother really loves her children more than anything else.  Despite her illness and despite some hard times that sometimes we her children gave to her, that THING told me the one we call “Mother’s Love”, it tells my mother’s unconditional love to us.  What really made me teary eyed is the thought of whoever is weak is even praying for the welfare of those who are strong.  SHE CARES FOR US BEFORE HERSELF.

My mother had lots of good and yes even some unlikely stories for each of her children, we’re not perfect and every family has arguments, but that moment when I found the breakthrough of her unconditional love, I cannot just think of other things but to recall how great my mother was and how proud and grateful her children should be.   Her prime concern was her children that she would forget herself over us as in she would rather not join in fun, party, travel or stroll as long as her children would.  My mother had great love to her children more than herself and I think this is one of the very reasons why she did not want to let go during her last days.  In our last conversation during her dying days, I told her not to worry about her children but just think of herself alone.  I assured her we her children can stand on ourselves and it is about time to think about herself.  I wanted her to love herself first to ease the pain and embrace the acceptance of being free.  I made her felt we all her children, grandchildren and children-in-laws may not say it but we love her so so-much. 

My mother’s demise definitely brought me in nostalgia, pain, regrets and pity rolled in one.  She was not very vocal how much she loves us but in reality she was indeed caring and sensitive when it comes to her children.   I think the situation dictated it, she needed to work more than eight hours in seven days a week with Good Friday, Town Fiesta, Christmas and New Year as her rests.  Practically she had no time to play with her children but instead she rather wanted to work for her children to send to collages because she valued education – the thing that was deprived to her.  For this we her children should already proud to have a diligent mother.  And she did not raise us, sent to school and provided our needs to invest in her future to become well-off or have someone to work for her.  She may be short-temper as a working-hard mother but deep inside she loves her offspring and their children.  She was straight forward in a diplomatic way. She will tell what she feels, it may be hurtful but she doesn’t want to mean it because she had no intention to hurt anybody’s feeling.   

I am lucky to have a mother like her who never thought me to keep grudge with others be it neighbors, relative or family.  If she may have issue with a certain person, she never influenced us to feel the same towards to the person and instead she wanted us her children to show civil and kindness.  My mother wanted us to never feel bad with others and show respect to the elders and relatives.  And this is the value that I want to instill to our children.  I am lucky to have a mother who although did not have educational degree but she knew which is good manners or not.  She repeatedly told me not to become boastful, arrogant, do not aggrieve others and have fear in God.  She may not religious but she is afraid of bad karma.  She had no envy, not vengeful, no bad egg.  And one of her personalities that I like most is her innocence and I feel good to be this way because through this personality, our materialism, perfectionism, and high self-esteem will not prevail on us.  And this is the personality that I want to keep from the time I learned from her until my last days.