BEING ODD

People who have physical, mental, spiritual, and genetic features differ from our basic standard measurement of being person are typically labeled odd.  Some may emotionally, sexually and specially unusual and most often than not, their kind of appearances and characteristics is not widely accepted and easily disregarded because of their off-condition on the general public.  What pity, sad and offensive here is being “abnormal” is regarded as stigma, syndrome, ridiculous, burden and weakness in our society.  But what is the accurate measure of a person?

Luis and Belle are one of those coined “abnormal” by the perfect society of people.  Crying foul for treating them outcast, Luis and Belle narrated that they feel this world is quite unfair.  From time to time they need to change and adjust themselves in this one-way world and give-way to what it is said the norms.  Seems this world is for the “normal” and they who are not need to adapt and cooperate.  They have no right to demand, be hurt and complaint because they are not what it is said to be the norms.  Just because of their personality and character, people are so prejudiced, judgmental, harsh and subjective.  For the longer times Luis and Belle are trying to be kind, to please others, and keep on making good impressions for the gratification of people but seem they are burning out.  Sometimes they already feel sick and tired for themselves of making it good, waiting to be appreciated and longing for the respect they deserved.  Thus it can’t help to think but to feel they were just being used. With their personality, they’re tired with the feeling of keep on trying so hard to give the best efforts to make people happy and pleased them and then when they screwed or missed, everything good, nice and right things they made even those done before will be gone and disregarded.

There are nights Luis and Belle want to cry to release the baggage and wish things should have never happened at all.  The world practically offend and irk them for they are not what it is said the norm.  Sometimes when talking to God, Luis and Belle cannot hide their grievance and grudge in everything – in people, the things, fate, time, chances, and even to themselves.  Fed up of understanding that everything has reasons for these pains and sufferings, it is difficult to accept that nothing will be given that we cannot deliver.  Luis and Belle are human and they are getting tired too.  For all the efforts they are doing just to please people, they need some return be it direct or indirect and tangible or not, just to calm down their tiredness.  A little love is what they want, though it is not imposed but to earn and not to ask but to wait, but for those who are so used, it will come to their feelings.  Although they know it is not right to expect, but in reality as a person, we need considerations and consolation.

In summary, the bottom line of all these discrimination, preconception, derogation, and subjective is of being odd.  It has to be two things only, it’s either odd or not.  The only question now is how to say odd or not.  People may differ in looks, attitude, and preference but we are all human that needs place and respect.  In our society, being odd is a stigma that ruins self spirit and a disease that kills the equality.  If everyone will presume each one as human being and not as a person, then respect will come easily to prevail over anyone.  The golden rule must emerge because it embodies the basic respect.  Learn to respect if you want to be respected.

By Alex V. Villamayor

October 31, 20014

SPEAKING IN PUBLIC

I don’t like speaking in front of large audience especially in a stage or in a meeting.  I am not confident.  I feel I’m not a good speaker.  It is not that I don’t know how to speak but it is because I am always concern on success of the overall delivery of my speech which gives me the fear of getting mistake.  And besides, I am not comfortable the way I sound – my pitch, tone and diction.  But since it’s part of the job, I don’t have other recourse but to do it.

Some people have the confidence to speak in spotlight claiming they don’t have nervous.  I admire these people.  But it has to bear in mind that it doesn’t take the confidence only.  It’s not the ability to stand and speak before the audience but it’s more on the quality of communication.   What’s the benefit of courage to speak in public if it will just pull you down with your flaws and weakness?  Be both confident and fluent.

Public speaking is a skill that needs to study to achieve.  Because you will not only speak all throughout on the podium but you will need to build connection, convey the message and impart lesson to your audience.  It is speaking the right way in the right time and at the right place.  When someone declared he can speak in public, probably it’s pure courage and not the art in public speaking.  Few are those who are good in effective impromptu oratory and they usually do not declare it.

In many times I heard presenters, speakers, and even masters of ceremony (Tagalog or English) who are so fond to use blank words like “ahh”, “errrrr”, and “hmmmm”.  It sounds bothering to hear and it turns to be annoying in the long run of speech.  It is tedious and tiresome to guess what words the speaker will utter and besides the speaker looks pathetic when he’s groping words to utter.  It slows the communication.  It’s good to hear spontaneous speech.  Phasing plays importance in speaking and words usage matters too.

To become good speaker you must be a good listener.  Know your audience.  Put yourself in their shoes by talking what you’re audience want.  Listen to the audience as you are speaking.  This will help you to know if you are offending and making bored the people in front of you.  And you must listen also from great people since they are in a much better position to speak their wisdom and experience.  You owe to listen to your audience to give them what they want to hear as this is also what you want to hear from someone who is speaking in front of you.  This is called a demonstration of respect.

Good speaking comes out naturally and at its best when you speak from your heart.  To speak from your heart you must know what you are speaking.  Know your subject, do your assignment, study your material, prepare yourself and with these everything you will say is spontaneous.  Even you are a self-proclaimed confident, do not be complacent to rely on yourself that you’re the person that can speak well anytime without preparing speech.  What happen, you are just brave enough to stand in front while opening your mouth but nonsense like flavored-colored popcorn.

Preparation of your own speech at all times is still important.  Don’t let others to prepare it for you because it is always best to do your own style.  When doing it, it is easier to speak, internalize, feel and deliver the message you want to transmit.  In this way you will have the connection with your audience.  Do not imitate those you are admiring, be on your own and speak yourself.  Do not copy and memorize other’s work.  You do not know the feeling how it was written.

In talking for an assembly, you are building the connection with your listeners by using your skill to get their attention at all times.  You must be powerful to maneuver the whole talk.  Do not overconfident and complacent that you have already stored in your mind your speech.  Prepare yourself, study your speech and the rest will come naturally.  It is not making yourself smart but it is making yourself important.

By Alex V. Villamayor

October 25, 2014

LIVING AWAY FROM HOME

Being a first-time expatriate coming to Saudi Arabia, my journey has started with the sadness of leaving my family back in my home.Travelling in altitude of thirty-five to forty thousand feet while crossing the five thousand miles,my mind was occupied with lots of encircling thoughts that made me quite thrilled and at the same time nervous of what would be the life overseas await for me.

Coming from a different country, it was quite difficult for me to spend the daily life filled with big surprises of adjustment and flexibility most especially during the early days, weeks and months of my stay.  Living away from family brought the feeling of uncertainty, misgiving, and anxiety that disturbed me every night before my bed, which seemed to be a very long night of solitude.

I’ve got the dilemma of doubting my strength in breaking the shadow of homesickness.  Spending times amidst of this arid land is an acid test to pass that every migrant worker has to undergo.  Battling the big challenges of living away from home caused by homesickness is survival of the fittest.  To overcome boredom is threading the eye of the needle which is growing high in the long stretched of empty hours during weekend.  I wished to set the time of the clock and literary pull the hours only to complete my journey.  These things that happened everyday felt me strange and nearly sunk me in feeling of loneliness and isolation.  No matter how tough the man can be, even the strongest men come to a certain point of becoming weak and have no option but to nearly weep (at least).

I was lucky to have my supportive family back home who kept me inspired to handle these things during my most troubled times.  And when I’vegot able to tune up myself with the new environment and have realized the rare opportunity given to me to work in a world renowned and reputable company, I have able to get my feet back to the right track.  My life has started to become meaningful and rewarding with the experience I have acquired while working here, an experience that I will cherish when I decided to go home and depart this place for good.

For all first-time expatriates who are experiencing the same feeling that I’d been through, like me you can get over from this burden.  When times come you are becoming vulnerable, think the love of your family that will furnish the strength you need.  Look at the blessings of being independent rather than the pain of being alone.  The opportunity, group of new friends, and experience are the things that shape our personality and signify our existence.  And sooner or later, you will find this splendid, serene and poetic place as your second home.

The life of working expatriates in foreign country like Saudi Arabia is always unique experience and challenging.  Learn to evolve your natural mechanism to adapt to your new environment, be open-minded, and love to live the simple life to make your temporary migration an interesting and productive.  When time comes you have to depart this place for good, surely there will be some tears to shed in your eyes.  And soon, all these things will become a warm and fond memory in your thinning profile to look back.

By Alex V. Villamayor

October 18, 2014

THINKING A MID-LIFE CRISIS

I have no idea what is going on in me.  I feel the sadness, boredom, tiredness, negativity, and sluggishness in my solitude.  I feel frustrated, guilty, worthless, paranoid, insecure and even worried.   At first they were nothing to me when I started feeling them about years ago.  Saying they are just ordinary emotions that I used to feel every day.  Not until I feel I am not contented in my life to the point that I think if this is what it call life then I wished I just never existed at all.  This is the period that I am really feeling emotionally uncomfortable.  I hate this feeling as if you are all alone and no one can feel what you're going through.

For years I feel the stress at work.  There is no doubt I really work so hard, honestly, and more than my capacity.  I can even claim that I am the busiest among my league.  With these, I was really pressured and tired which lead me to some mistakes.  Having the silent personality that I am, I want to change the standard but I don’t have that voice to stand and speak out.  So I am trying to assume the duties that are bigger than me.  And then my personal events slowly coincide with the flow.   I feel I’ve done so many wrongs in the pasts.  It started when I felt no matter what I do, I cannot achieve my ultimate dream which is to have my very own house because of my wrong approach.  I just cannot accept that despite the sincere perseverance I did, I was never granted with my dreams.  I applied in a financial institution twice but twice I felt the disappointment, seek the help of individuals twice or thrice but on my dismay I was cheated with some amount of money.  Until I decided to loan for the sake of planning to own house.  It was not easy, I had to have it the hard way only to find out that it will not work for my plan, neither to go to second option of renovating my house or owning townhouse.  The loaned money is pending in my bank account while I am paying the interest of the money that has not placed in valuable worth.  For this I am experiencing anxiety about my life being halfway but I feel nothing is happening.  It is like while I am aging, the chance of achieving it becomes slim and if ever I own it, it’ll be just a short-lived to enjoy it.

Along with these, I am in the situation where I feel I am alone in quest of proving myself but seem the more I do the things I believe right, the more I feel guilt and villain.  Then I feel paranoid, assuming that people around me are either against me or keeping distance.   Even my closest friend disliked my being cynical, assuming, sensitive and speculative.   This hurts me and adds self-pity for I am not having someone to express my sentiments and feelings.  While feeling alone, I can’t help but to go back my past decisions that I think I made mistakes like choosing to return to my previous work, loaning without firmed objective, and the inadequate effort to own a house that I longed dreamed.  Because of these I blame myself for a remarkable change that I wanted in my life but I cannot have.  And then I feel a dramatic boredom in my life that I’m trying to overcome but worsening because things are simply not falling into my hands, and it seems opportunity doesn’t agree with me.  Feeling helpless, I am in the point that I have realized that this is not the life what I wanted should be.

At my late age now, I am still not successful in terms of career, finance, and personal aspirations which make me feel failed.  These dearths give me overloaded with mix worries like the wait-and-see political turmoil in my work, unprepared fallback when there’s need for forced repatriation, and family medical emergency funds.  Add yet my fear in competitive age to land new job.  All of these hold me in lack of interest to enjoy and keep pro-active.  I think it’s a sort of mid-life crisis, where I am in a certain point that I look myself loser.  I don’t know what the mid-life crisis is until I feel anger and sadness because of this failure which I keep of denying instead of accepting my faults.  It hurt me to feel all these things at this certain point of my age that every good thing seems not to be meant for me.  I want to leave this period, get over and look forward for the new life.  Like my closest friend says, until I do not disown the anger and move on, I will remain troubled and pain in the past.

By Aex V. Villamayor

October 5, 2014