LIVING IN WAR

In the southern part of the Philippines today, there is an on-going civil war between the arm forces and terrorists that forced the civilians to abandon their homes and properties.  When watching the real footage of people escaping from the war zone, I could not help but feel depressed – the scenarios are truly heartbreaking.  Every touching moments were captured and flashed in the television screen showing the frightened people, burning houses, wrecked infrastructure, and smokes from exploded missiles.  Dogs finding foods for themselves for their masters abandoned them.  Buffalo and chicken are roaming around, but most of all it’s the human.  There is nothing greater to see the courage of our great soldiers risking their life going into the danger zone.  There is the miserable condition of the scrambling men, women, elderly and children running for their life.  Children helplessly holding their mother’s hand, parents carrying their infant babies, men carrying sick elderly and people with special needs, all of them running full of fear, running to save their life in the war, with few belongings or nothing just to escape from violence.  You can see in their eyes the fright, agitation and aversion.  Still considered fortunate these people, there are more trapped in their own houses, worry to go out for their safety outside.

While watching the news, I could not hold myself to feel the pain and the scare on the images I see in the television.  I felt a heavy burden on my chest, something is chocked on my throat until without saying any word, my eye are welling and I knew there are some tears rolling down on my face.  I am a sensitive person and this scene of drama and suspense in a real life is so touching that I cannot say I can disregard.  All are victims of consequences.  Those innocent children, what are their knowledge about the idealism fighting for?  What are their stands in the battle between the rebels and government?  There is the great surprise in eyes of the children, their eyes speak of fear, worry, helpless.  I do not know how long the violence of war will hound these people.    The fright on the face of the grownup, see their tearful eyes who just want to secure the safety of their children first and the rest they lifted them up to God.

The torture of hearing the loud explosion, the successive exchanges of gunfire from high powered firearms, the stray bullets may come anytime, and the loud sound of airplane engine launching air strikes or chopper flying low over you.  There are families trapped in their homes.  Either missiles or hunger may kill them if not rescued.  In military offensive, there may have the collateral damages.  There are the wounded and there are dead bodies, some may not be seen and accounted.  There is terror in the battle field.  How tragic to hear a baby cries out of dreading in these scenarios, children screaming for someone to calm them down.  There is no power, no water and in a few days foods will last.  Why these people need to suffer in a consequence of war that they did not choose.  Why the children have to witness this traumatic experience in their young mind.  And why the elderly have to suffer pulling out their legs running?  They have no choice, they were caught.  All of them have no choice but to run for their life.  With all of these, I cannot help myself but to weep.  Why we need to sacrifice lives just to prove who is right and who is wrong?

After the battle, the place virtually looks ghost town.  In any war, whether the defender or the aggressor wins, there is really no winner and at the end it is the civilians that are truly loser.  There is nothing new in Mindanao but nobody wants war.  Decades after decades, political, social and spiritual conflict raised in the region that put Mindanao behind in terms of quality of life, level of the economy, and the advancement of agriculture, infrastructure and industrial sectors.  Dubbed as the promise land, the place is truly a paradise blessed with natural resources, flora and fauna but it remains third class region due to unstable peace and order.  After the Zamboanga Siege that wrecked life, livelihood and properties in Mindanao, another waste of life waged in the Marawi crisis.  Until when will this kind of disordered cease, violence stop and conflict end?  Someday, I wish the time to come that all great, powerful, and influential leaders in our country or our world will become pacifist, peace-loving, stop the exhibition of power and forces for the world supremacy, abjure the ambition to become the world's number one, occupation to smaller nations, and profiting out of war.  For us ordinary citizens, we need to pray to God during this time of war.  Because small people, the marginalized in the society, we the bottommost of our country, our life depends on the hands of these leaders, whether we want to foster peace but there is nothing we can do if our leaders want to declare war.  

THE IRONIES OF TODAY’S PHILIPPINE POLITICS

People are criticizing CHR for interfering in deaths in war on drugs accusing CHR is defending the criminals.  While it looks like true, the irony is that, this is not true.  To find even more lapses, they are criticizing CHR for not intervening in crimes like incest, homicide, attempted murder between family members.  These people are ignorant.  The irony is that, CHR has nothing to do with these crimes.  So these people are barking in the wrong tree.  These crimes are job of PNP not CHR.

More than any given time, people are more outspoken now against the Catholic Church and its heads, accusing of intervening in politics but not the powerful sect of INC.  People are proud to claim the only country as the predominant Catholic country in Asia but we have weak faith who can lambast its very own heads of Catholic Church, that's the irony.  We are agnostic with our religion but we do not want to go to other religion or be atheist because we know that only in Catholicism we can do what we want.

A lot of people mocked Leila Delima for her past relationship with her former driver but the irony is that, many of these people are currently having their own extra marital affair too, or doing cybersex with their social media friends, or they too have past illicit affairs.  For the sake of satirical argument, some people lampoon Delima’s appearance but the irony is that, these people are somehow look like Delima even they’re males.

A senator has a very nice view on forgiving the Marcoses as in if God has forgiven us then how much more we people.  This is so classic because the irony is that, the Senator doesn’t believe in the second chance for drug users and pushers.  He versus himself, while the Senator is spreading the words of God but in God’s command “Thou Shall not Kill”, the senator is epic failed when he supported the death penalty.  A self proclaimed born again Christian but the irony is that he has lots of questionable stands that contradict to the basic foundation of Christianity.

There is this die hard supporter and political partisan blogger who is accountable for spreading unverified, unreliable, fabricated and fake news in social media that disunite people, encourage anger in the millions of netizens and brought chaos in the country.  Notorious for spreading fake news and hate campaign, the irony is that this blogger was appointed as Under Secretary of Presidential Communications Operation Office.  Earlier, the morally questionable blogger was appointed to chair the regulation and classification of movies and television programs.

Come to think of it, the President was elected by the multitude of voters merely because of his promise to finish drugs in just 3 months.  The irony now is from 3 – 6 months drug free and crime free Philippines that people believed, it is extended to 6 months to 3 years more to finish drugs. In 2016 SALN, President is 3 million richer than when he used to claim he is poor man while Vice President is 2 million poorer now.

The notorious personalities that our judicial branch has ordered the likes of GMA, Napoles, Colangco et all behind bars, they are now state’s sweethearts.  We are furiously accusing Aquinos the true NPA but not Duterte’s soft spot to NPA.  We expelled the Marcoses before, praise them now.  Hate China before, love then now.

Philippines politics today is very ironic.  While the 16 millions jubilant to these ironies, the majority 25 million are suffering. We are losing support from US and reject aid from EU but accepted the exorbitant interest loan from China.  We said traffic in EDSA was not resolved by the past administration but today it appears to have worsened.  We accused the past admin for poor service of MRT but it is still in bad shape today. 

Not only ironic, our politics today is a roller coaster and topsy-turvy.  It is contradicting... opposing... How ironic that we always yell the changes should start within ourselves but when we changed, then here are our officers in charged today who are disrespecting our effort to start changes from ourselves.  Changes? I guess not.  I guess politics.

BORING DAYS

There are times or days you are sad for your problems or maybe simply you are low spirited for the day.  You have dull moments that times are seem to be dark, heavy and simply you do not want to enjoy the day – that’s just having bad days.  But there are even times you feel so sad as in really so sad and you just want to blame yourself for what it makes you sad.  You feel guilty and it cuts your heart, you are regretful and it puts you low spirited.  You feel failed, insecure, frustrated and uncertain that makes you in totally bad mood.  There are times you just feel so so-bored that you just want to feel it, not because no option but you cannot do about it.  The feeling of failure that in extreme sad you just want to blame, pity and cry yourself.  It is when you are longing for something you really and badly needed but you are useless to get it because you don’t have the ways.    And you will feel annoyed to yourself, to your world, to your environs.  When boredom strikes, it can kill you.

In times I feel so bored and so sad that no matter what I do I cannot undo thinking the sad feelings I am going through.  When it comes to a point you grief on the same grief you used to have until you lost on focus.  That feeling when you get up on bed from irritability, I will sit in the living room trying to ease my boredom but the more I stay alone and quiet, the more loneliness comes in.  So I went back to my bedroom to sit in the computer but to no relief, I am ended up moving the cursor up and down that actually doesn’t making sense.  All sad pasts and negative thoughts are coming back and I feel sorry for what I have for almost all of my life because times come I feel I am still not used to it, and I thought I am strong but there are times I cry for what I have chosen.  It is tortured and it adds to the boredom.  I want to cry, I cannot comfort myself. 

During this tough moment, someone said if I have chosen to be such then there should be no boredom.  We have all the time to focus greatly with our family, friends and above all to our creator.   And we all have the reason to celebrate life of our choice.  I thank God when boredom strikes me it doesn’t take too long.  I think it is just like our high and low, and ups and downs.  It comes and goes, it is hi-hello.  In my moment of boredom, this is just one of those negative feelings that in reality we are all undergoing in some points of our life.    We all have our own drama and nostalgia.   My life may be pensive or futile, sad or maybe not, loner and welcoming too, my life is not an all-sadness but instead I am just a kind of vocal to my sentiments.  I have my share of undergoing that I may not meant to incriminate but the thing is I express them outspokenly, straightforward and maybe repeatedly.

It is really tough to confront the battle of you versus yourself, to mediate and weight the two sides that you both know, and you both love.  You know what is to do and you know how to do it but you cannot do it because you are caught and weak.  The situation is stronger than your mind, your body and much more your emotion.  For someone who is in crisis of boredom, you close the line to accept anything good against your boredom.  Bored people usually attached to their emotional moments, and so convincing them to go out, have fun and forget the problem is hitting the moon that is far from improbability.  It is really difficult to play happy while in fact you are really so lonely.  It is so hard to ignore your real feeling, it is tough to portray you are okay but not.  It is like fooling yourself. 

PANSAMANTALANG PAMALIT

Sa tabaho ko, minsan ko ng naranasan ang maging isang pansamatalang kapalit sa mga nagbabakasyon, may sakit at umaalis na mga kasamahan ko sa trabaho, alinsunod na rin ito sa kagustuhan ko.  Nag-umpisa muna ako sa posisyon ko sa aking trabaho bilang isang permanente na tumagal din ng ilang taon ngunit sa aking pansariling dahilan ay nakiusap ako sa aking amo upang gawin muna akong pamalit.  Alam kong hindi nakakasigurado sa katayuan ng trabaho ang mga pansamantalang pamalit dahil malakas ang posibilidad na una siyang aalisin sa kumpanya kapag wala ng mapapalitan o kapag nagbawas ng mga trabahador.  Kasama pa ang posibilidad na baka kung saan-saang lugar, mahihirap na trabaho, ibat-ibang tao na makakasama at mga mahihigpit na amo ang mapuntahan ko.  Ngunit hindi ako natakot nuon dahil na rin sa naging matinding karanasan ko sa aking trabaho na abala at may mahigpit na amo na nagpatibay at nagpatapang sa akin kaya parang naging bale-wala na lang sa akin ang mga alalahanin na ito.  At naniniwala ako na kaya ko ito, pinalakas pa ito ng isang superbisor na aking nakatrabaho na nagsabi sa akin na sa ipinakita kong pagtratrabaho ay may patutunguhan ako at magkakaroon din ako ng lugar.

At nang maranasan ko na nga ang maging isang pansamantalang pamalit, nalaman ko ang ibat-ibang nararamdamang sentimiyento nila sa trabaho.  Mahirap ang maging isang pansamantalang pamalit dahil una ay palagi mong inaaral ang ibat-ibang trabaho depende kung saan ka mapupunta.  Iyung aaralin mo ang trabaho sa loob ng maiksing panahon na inaral ng papalitan sa loob ng mahabang panahon.  Iyung sa loob ng isang buwan na ilalagi mo, bago mo pa lamang natututunan ang lahat ng trabaho ay kakailanganin mo na itong iwanan dahil ang taong pansamantalang pinalitan mo ay paparating na.  Bukod pa sa katotohanang ang trabaho ay hindi talaga sa iyo kaya wala kang magawang diskarte upang pakialaman ang mga nakikita mong dapat baguhin.  Hindi ka makabuo ng lugar mo para sa iyong sariling pamamaraan ng pagtratrabaho, ang mismong trabaho at mga gamit sa trabaho.  Kasama pa dito ang mga makakasalamuha mong ibat-ibang tao mula sa kasamahan hanggang sa amo bagamat hindi naman ito naging problema sa akin.

Sa maikling panahon, maraming aral akong natutunan na hindi ko makukuha kung ako ay nagpirmi lamang sa isang trabaho.  Dito ako natuto ng ibat-ibang trabaho, nakita ko ang iba pang operasyon ng kumpanya, marami akong nakilala at natutunan ko rin na hindi totoong walang malaking pananagutan ang isang pansamantalang kapalit.  Kung ikaw ay isang tao na anumang trabaho na ibinigay ay ginagawa mo ng buong puso, bawat natapos mong trabaho ay masasabing may kalidad.  Sinasabi ng iba na ang isang pamalit daw ay walang malaking kalidad o matinding katangian sa trabaho dahil hindi naman talaga sila ang pinili para sa trabaho.  Kung responsable kang tao, hindi ito ang iyong mararamdaman, katwiran at ang gagawin mo.   Wala sa pagiging permanente kung magaling magtrabaho ang isang tao dahil sinomang tao, permanente man o isang pansamantalang kapalit, maliit man o malaki ang trabaho ay gagawin mo kung ano ang nakasaad na trabaho mo at ibibigay mo ang iyong makakaya kung talagang mayroon kang responsibilidad.  Hindi mo hahayaan na magdusa ang kalidad ng trabaho dahil alam mong nakataya ang iyong pangalan sa iyong mga ginagawa.

Kung ikaw ay isang pamalit, huwag kang malungkot, manliit at mawalan ng pag-asa dahil kumpara sa ibang mga permanente ay may mga ginagawa kang hindi kayang kayanin, gayahin o higitan ng mga regular na empleyado.  Hindi totoo na mas maganda at mas mahalaga kung ikaw ay nagtagal sa kung saan ka nagsimula ng iyong trabaho dahil aanhin mo ang matagal na panahon sa iisang trabaho kung ikaw naman ay hindi umunlad, ang natutunan mo ay ang iyong lugar lamang at hindi mo nalaman ang totoong kalagayan ng iba kaya hindi mo maramdaman ang kanilang hinaing.  Kung ipinagmamalaki mong nagtagal ka sa iisang trabaho mulat-sapul pa, marahil ay hindi mo makakaya ang hirap ng isang taga-pamalit, maaaring hindi ka makakapasa sa iba, dun pa lang ay nakalalamang na sila sa iyo.  Maaaring nagkataon na lang kung naging paborito ka ng iyong amo kaya ayaw kang paalisin sa puwesto pero mas mapalad ka pa rin ang pinagbigyan ng pagkakataong makita kung ano-ano pa ang nasa labas ng iyong mundong ginagalawan.  Kung minsan, mas magaling pa nga ang isang pansamantalang kapalit kaysa sa permanenteng nakapuwesto sa trabaho.  At totoo naman na mas magaling kung ang isang pinuno ay nanggaling mula sa ibaba dahil alam niya ang damdamin ng mga nasa ibaba.

Muli akong naging isang permanente sa aking puwesto nang pumayag na akong tanggapin ang posisyon na pansamantala ko sanang gagawin dahil alam kong mahirap kapag nagtagal pa ako sa pagpapalit-palit ng mga pinupuntahang trabaho.  Nagpapasalamat ako at naranasan ko ang sitwasyon ng isang maging pansamantalang pamalit, kung kaya kapag iyung pagkakataon na ako ay magbabakasyon at may isang pansamantalang papalit sa akin, hindi ko na pinipilit na matutunan niya ang lahat-lahat dahil nauunawaan ko ang kalagayan niya.  At bilang tulong ko ay ibinibigay ko ang lahat ng kaalaman ko, hindi ko ito ipinagdadamot at binibigyan ko pa ng payo dahil alam ko nga ang kalagayan nila.  Hindi ako natatakot na baka sa pagbalik ko ay mawalan ako ng trabaho dahil maaaring siya ang ilagay na permanente sa aking pwesto dahil tulad ng aking paninniwala, may mapupuntahan akong lugar kung saan man ako mapunta.

OF MEN AND THE FULL MOON

Every time I see the full moon, I can think of a friend who made me bright during my darkest night.  My life is like mellow-drama soap. I have resentments, regrets, failures that hold me back.  I have pain that makes me low esteem.  I have burdens in my life that I keep for long.  I feel darkness that turned routine and seemed it is already part of my life that keep on haunting (and hurting) me all my life.  Plain, weird, naïve… my days and nights are boring.  But I accepted it because I thought this is what meant for me and besides I already used to it.  Until a friend came who showed life is more than these by showing the reality and it opened my mind into the diversity of life.  The world is not enough to describe the beauty of life that I have so many choices to pick which one, or two or three?

I have still some reservations and melancholy that are already engraved in me, but amidst of these my friend made me the full moon shining bright in the dark of the night.  Making me happy alone in the so wide space, like the moon alone in the dark sky.  The world may be dark but once in a while it becomes bright when the full moon comes.  It is nice feeling to be happy, it may be temporary but I have hope, like the moon, that happiness will come again, soon.  My friend made me feel that I can be the moon, despite of having hard times, failures and burdens in most of the times, my life can shine some times. The problems may remain there but there are the other side of this world that maybe better than the world I used to live (or hid).  Life is not prototype.  Life is not a single choice like what I have.  In many times we had the chances of exploring our life, we can found what we really want.

But the full moon can be the other way where it is the friend.  In my moment of sadness, here comes a friend, bearing the light of the full moon.  When in times I need answers, someone takes away my doubt, insecurity and even the pain that I am suffering from challenges of life.  A rescuer came to brighten up my days.  I will always remember a friend who owes own self after the full moon.  The personality, the strength, and the spirit – I may shine through in the environs that so blue because the light from a friend shines in me.  I will have high regards to the full moon and it has a special place in my heart, so every time I will see the moon, I will always think of a friend because it reminds me a moment in time that I will keep for the rest of my life.

Time and time again, the full moon will come and go but human will pass in this world once.  When I get old, when I am feeble to walk on walking stick, when my teeth gone, wrinkles line on my face, when I became exactly how the real old man looks like, there is only one thing that I will always remember when I look up at the sky and see the full moon – my friend.   Whether or not the full moon is me or my friend, I will always give the respect of the full moon to my friend.  And when the time I get old and reminisce my better days, I will shed tears pondering the happy days of today’s the full moon brought into my younger life.

MAKABAYAN AT RELIHIYOSONG PILIPINO

Hindi man kaaya-ayang paksa na talakayin, ngunit mayroong ugali ang mga Pilipino na hindi naman magandang hindi bigyan ng pansin – ang katigasan ng ulo.  Sinabi ng hindi pwede ay sinusubukan pa rin, sinabi ng mali ay ginagawa pa rin, hindi dahil sa detereminasyon, prinsipiyo at tiwala sa sarili kundi matigas lang talaga ang ulo.  Ang problema kasi sa karamihan sa atin ay mayroon tayong ugali na kung ano ang gusto natin ay iyun ang susundin natin lalung-lalo na sa politika, relihiyon at pagka-Pilipino.  Hindi tayo iyung sumunod na lamang kung ano sinabi ng Diyos, ng gobyerno, kumpanya at ng mga magulang natin dahil tutal ay sila naman ang nakakaalam ng tama at ng mabuti para sa atin.  Hindi ako makakapagsalita para sa ibang relihiyon at sa halip ay ang pagiging Katoliko / Kristiyano ang aking ihahalimbawa dahil ito ang aking nalalaman.  Halos lahat tayo ay taas-noo sa pagiging nag-iisang dominanteng Kristiyano sa buong Asya.  Ipinagmamalaki natin ito dahil naniniwala tayong isa ito sa nagliligtas at nagpapabuti sa atin.  Pero ang problema nga lang sa maraming Kristiyano ay hindi naman talaga tayo deboto sa ating mga katuruan at kautusan, malabnaw at mahina ang pananampalataya.  Sa panahon natin ngayon, hindi na tayo isang mabuting Kristiyano / Katoliko.  Aminin natin, sa sobrang makabago natin ay marami na tayong binago at hindi pinananiwalaang mga katuruan sa ating kinabibilangang relihiyon.  Para bang mayroon na lamang Kristiyano na ala-Pilipinong estilo o pamamaraan.

Maraming Pilipinong Kritiyano ang sinusunod lang kung ano ang gustong sundin at binibigyan ng kanya-kanyang interpretasyon ang mga salita sa Bibliya.  Mahina ang ating pananampalataya.  Hindi natin sinusunod ang ating Simbahan at at kaparian.  Kahit na sinabing magsimba, ang ikakatwiran ng marami ay hindi na kailangan ang magsimba dahil ang mas mahalaga ay ang taimtim at personal na pagdarasal, na para bang talagang nagdarasal ang mga kulang sa pananampalatayang mga taong ito.  Sa kabilang banda ay mayroong mga relihiyoso na laman ng simbahan at palasimba ngunit paglabas ng simbahan ay mga makasalanan din naman, mga nagdadasal ng litanya at kabisado rosaryo ngunit ang mga nasabing madasaling tao na ito ang siyang kayang-kayang murahin ang mga kaparian.  Kung ano ang pabor para sa atin ay iyun ang pinipili natin tulad ng hindi paggamit ng kontraseptibo dahil sa pansarili nating kasiyahan.  Masyadong maluwag ang Kristiyanong Pilipino na hindi kayang pasunurin ng mga pinuno ng Simbahang Katolika, palatandaan na marami sa atin ang mahina ang pananampalataya.  Itinuturong “Huwag Kang Papatay” pero marami ang sari-saring katwiran ng pagkontra ang sinasabi ng mga kulang sa pananampalatayang Pilipinong Katoliko.  Ipinipilit na ikasal ang mga magkaparehas na kasarian.

Kahit sa pagiging Pilipino ay kulang din ang ating pagkamakabayan.  Sinasabi nating makabayan tayo pero kaya ba natin ang magsakripisyo alang-alang sa Pilipinas?  Hindi natin tinatangkilik ang sariling atin, hindi tayo mabubuhay sa isang sitwasyon na ang lahat ng gamit natin ultimo ang kaliit-liitang palito ay gawang-Pilipino.  Paaano iikot sa merkado ang mga produkto at serbisyong Pilipino kung hindi naman nababawi ng mga negosyante ang kanilang puhunan sa ininalalabas nila?  Mas pinipili natin ang mamasyal sa ibang bansa kaysa sa bisitahin ang sarili nating turismo dahil mas umiiral sa marami sa atin ang pagpapaktia ng ating estado sa buhay kaysa sa aral at karunungang nakukuha sa paglalakbay.  Kapag nga sinabi sa atin na magtipid tayo sa kuryente at tubig ay di ba’t kung magselpilyo ka, maghugas ng mga pinagkainan at maglinis ng sasakyan ay parang bale-wala lang sa atin ang natatapong tubig?  Suportahan ang pelikulang Pilipino pero tinatalo ng banyaga an gating industriya.  Simpleng babala na “Bawal ang tumawid: nakamamatay” ay hindi masunod ng kababayan natin na pinipiling tumawid sa nasabing lugar hanggang maaksidente dahil sa katamarang lakarin ang hindi kalayuang tamang-tawiran o tulay mismo na nasa itaas lamang niya,

Kilala ang Pilipino bilang isa sa mga masayahing tao sa mundo at sa kakaibang pakikiharap sa mga bisita.  Sa kaisipang ito, sikapin natin na makakabuo pa tayo na gumawa ng iba pang magandang katangian na magpapatingkad pa sa atin na maaari tayong tumayo sa entablado at taas ang noo na masasabing ito ang Pilipinas, ako ay Pilipino.

PATRIOTISM AND RELIGIOUS FILIPINO STYLE

I have come up in an observation that there is an unflattering feature that I would say very Filipino – our disobedient.   We want to do things in our own way, especially in political, social and spiritual issues.  We have this character of insisting what we want to understand.  We know it is wrong in the first place but we still do, we know it can’t be but we still insist – not determination and confidence but merely stubbornness, that if it cannot suit in the norms, then we’ll have our own individual’s stand.  We lack in discipline.  In the modern days of Filipino, there is this patriotism and religious in Filipino style.  I cannot speak for other religion instead, being a Catholic is the illustration I will use.  We always feel the pride of being the only predominantly Christian country in Asia.  We believe it makes us strong, saved and blessed.  But the problem with most of us is that our faith to our religion is not really that strong.  Filipinos nowadays are not good Catholic (categorically speaking). We have this Catholic ala Filipino style.  We choose which teachings we’ll follow.  Many of us believe whatever we want to believe in only. 

Christianity in us is soft, lenient, lame and watered down.  The Head of the church cannot force its flock to read the Bible by heart and follow the commandments religiously.   In simple dress code in attending mass, you will see men wearing basketball shorts and women wearing sleeveless shirts and mini-skirt like displaying fashion in the runway.  We cannot attend the mass on time.  We follow the command if it favors us like following procreation because of our own pleasure but to attend the masses we react and we’ll say what more important is the personal conversation with God thru solemn prayer than attending these one hour Sunday masses every week.  And we have our own interpretation of scriptures based on our understanding.  The self-explanatory “Thou shall not kill” has different versions and you hear how they contradict it.  Our faith is weak.  We say we pray solemnly or go to the church regularly but sinful still. We say we recite the litany or pray the rosary but these are the same pious men who have the nerve to curse the head of the church and the priesthood.   These differences in interpretation resulted us to give way the coming of different sect of our religion.  Despite our self-assured sense of belonging to Christendom, many are still weak.

We scream the overused phrase “Proud to be Pinoy” but we do not patronize our own.  Filipinos just love imported products.  We cannot live in a situation that everything we use and everything surround us, even the smallest thing like toothpick, is Filipino product.  How can our local products and services stay in the market if the roll of capital is not sustained with the return of investment because we do not patronize them?  Even our family and friends prefer international tourism rather than visiting our own.  If we demand or choose the local tour, most likely local tourism will be less costly than international tours, which often is merely a show of status symbol rather than learning.  We want to play the role of patriot (actually we’re claiming it) for uplifting our country but the determination is not enough and only few really do the share.  It is always self first before the country. Among many of us, who will look after the wellbeing of the country first before our self, our family, work, security, future and personal interests?  We cannot make sacrifice ourselves for the country.  Our disobedience hampers us in moving forward like those informal settlers constructing houses in creeks despite the government order not to squat there.  We dump garbage anywhere, we complaint when the new traffic scheme for improvement is imposed, opposing smoking ban, curfew and still jaywalked despite the warning “No Pedestrian Crossing: Deadly”.  Government calls save the water and electricity but we do not care.  We fight for democracy but we are abusing it.  We keep on complaining but hesitate to lead an example to start the changes in our self.  For our country let us support our government.  Definitely it can be opposing to some of our views but it cannot be an all-negative.  Many are still the plague, these are Filipinos nowadays.

We have so much beautiful characters but these undisciplined and irresponsibility ruins us.  It is said that Filipinos are one of the happiest people in this earth and also known in best hospitality – very Filipino so to speak.  By just having this idea, let us add more positive adjectives that will describe us very Filipino.  In a new platform, we stand straight, chin up and say “ this is Philippines and this are Filipinos”.

YOUNG LOVE (True Love Indeed)

Children fall in love too.  At the young age of 10 (or even younger for some), children attract to their opposite sex, whether it is due to the appearances, behaviour, intelligence or talent but the bottom line is these are all under the feeling of admiration.  I am not excused, I think I felt in love at the age of 10 with this very smart girl who was at the same age.  She was the type of girl who was known in the school because she was pretty and smart.  During those times, I felt happiness every time I saw her or even when I just heard her name.  Call it crush for it may be a child’s moment but I knew then I really liked her.  There were even days I stalked her on her way to her home, just happy to know where she homes and the feeling was really so good.  Just knowing her home is like winning already.  But it was just like that, for how many years I was just happy and enough to see her, sometimes follow her way to home.  I didn’t need to let it known or ask a reciprocate.  But it was good. 

And this did not last long.  I was at the age of 12 when a neighbour friend informally introduced me to her very pretty classmate who is year younger but standing taller than me (female usually grows faster than male).  I was a poor school boy who doesn’t care in grooming, and obviously our first meet was nothing to the girl just like ordinary seeing ordinary unknown person.  But for me, I had already something because prior to that moment, I have already heard her name.  She was in the higher section, the muse of their class and the ultimate crush of the boys in the school, she was really beautiful.  I was a kid who was so plain, no new uniform, with dark skin like a street kid.  So with these features and at my young age then, I was aloof and was even shy to talk and express about my admiration to her.  For two years in my intermediate years, I have enough settled to be inspired by her beauty.  I have enough with the feeling of being in love.  And by the way, I was so happy to hear they’re singing my name in a cheerful song (a song where different names were substitute) during Friday girl scout class because by mentioning my name in the song, I felt she know me.

Until I experienced for the first time the heart break.  I felt then the pain of parting when I have to go to other school as a high school while she had to finish her intermediate year.  At an early age, I learned how it felt like a broken hearted, like there is no more reason to be happy, to make me happy.  It was hard without seeing the person whom you enjoyed to see for the last two years.  And it even added to the injury the worry of the possibility of her attending to other school.  For one year of not seeing her, I did not change and I knew then, it was not just a simple feeling but I realized it was true love.  Until I got back on my feet again on the following year when I’d learned that she enrolled in the same school.  Funny but I believed we’re meant to destine.  As sophomore students and as teenagers, the feelings towards the opposite sex is vocal and I felt bad to hear some of my classmates were attracted to her – feeling jealous but I keep admiring her.

So I lived each day as it is.  During the first few months as freshman, I peeped in their class room during their math subject, she recited the table of eight of the multiplication table.  She became popular in the school because of her charm.  She became a campus crush, she played the Virgin Mary, participated in school programs.  While she was rising like a superstar, I was left behind looking up on her, alone and in pain.  With her charm, it was hurting to hear those courting boys because I knew they were just after her charm while me, I am sure my admiration and affinity are for real.  But it was even more hurting to hear her high school crushes.  I saw in slum book who was her crush, then year later I heard her new crush.  These were blow in me but then I have to accept them.  I was a person who accepted my looks that no teenager will get crush on me.  But learning that those men are par better than me, it really despaired me especially during those years that I had building self-pity and bitterness in my life, in myself.  I sent cards and letters, my sister helped me when she knew that I was still in-love to the girl after those years since elementary, but not sure if the cards and letters reached to her hand.  But then again, I let each day and year passed secretly loving her even more deeply and true.  Right now she is happily married and I am contented to remain single.  She may say she found her true love but me, I would say I had the great love yet not meant to be taken.  Why I did not bother to approach her?  Because I knew myself very well that I am not deserved and am afraid of my imperfection.

Aside from adventure and life's first thing's firsts, one of the best things about teenager's life is falling in love.  Maybe puppy love as the elders call it but young love may be true love indeed.  Whether it is the first, last, sad, tough, failed or even for fun, all of them say it is so nice to fall in love and it keeps our days going.