BORING DAYS

There are times or days you are sad for your problems or maybe simply you are low spirited for the day.  You have dull moments that times are seem to be dark, heavy and simply you do not want to enjoy the day – that’s just having bad days.  But there are even times you feel so sad as in really so sad and you just want to blame yourself for what it makes you sad.  You feel guilty and it cuts your heart, you are regretful and it puts you low spirited.  You feel failed, insecure, frustrated and uncertain that makes you in totally bad mood.  There are times you just feel so so-bored that you just want to feel it, not because no option but you cannot do about it.  The feeling of failure that in extreme sad you just want to blame, pity and cry yourself.  It is when you are longing for something you really and badly needed but you are useless to get it because you don’t have the ways.    And you will feel annoyed to yourself, to your world, to your environs.  When boredom strikes, it can kill you.

In times I feel so bored and so sad that no matter what I do I cannot undo thinking the sad feelings I am going through.  When it comes to a point you grief on the same grief you used to have until you lost on focus.  That feeling when you get up on bed from irritability, I will sit in the living room trying to ease my boredom but the more I stay alone and quiet, the more loneliness comes in.  So I went back to my bedroom to sit in the computer but to no relief, I am ended up moving the cursor up and down that actually doesn’t making sense.  All sad pasts and negative thoughts are coming back and I feel sorry for what I have for almost all of my life because times come I feel I am still not used to it, and I thought I am strong but there are times I cry for what I have chosen.  It is tortured and it adds to the boredom.  I want to cry, I cannot comfort myself. 

During this tough moment, someone said if I have chosen to be such then there should be no boredom.  We have all the time to focus greatly with our family, friends and above all to our creator.   And we all have the reason to celebrate life of our choice.  I thank God when boredom strikes me it doesn’t take too long.  I think it is just like our high and low, and ups and downs.  It comes and goes, it is hi-hello.  In my moment of boredom, this is just one of those negative feelings that in reality we are all undergoing in some points of our life.    We all have our own drama and nostalgia.   My life may be pensive or futile, sad or maybe not, loner and welcoming too, my life is not an all-sadness but instead I am just a kind of vocal to my sentiments.  I have my share of undergoing that I may not meant to incriminate but the thing is I express them outspokenly, straightforward and maybe repeatedly.

It is really tough to confront the battle of you versus yourself, to mediate and weight the two sides that you both know, and you both love.  You know what is to do and you know how to do it but you cannot do it because you are caught and weak.  The situation is stronger than your mind, your body and much more your emotion.  For someone who is in crisis of boredom, you close the line to accept anything good against your boredom.  Bored people usually attached to their emotional moments, and so convincing them to go out, have fun and forget the problem is hitting the moon that is far from improbability.  It is really difficult to play happy while in fact you are really so lonely.  It is so hard to ignore your real feeling, it is tough to portray you are okay but not.  It is like fooling yourself.