BEING GOLDEN

I am starting to appreciate my age now more than ever before.  Little by little, I am feeling almost complete, fairly contented and more importantly thankful.  To be golden is a feeling of realizing the almost there success of your long journey, hard works and waiting.  I am just a late bloomer but pretty soon, I can live my life to the fullest, making the most of what I have and never settling for less than the life I am capable of living.

Not so long ago, I was always reluctant when it comes to age topic.  Age is one of the subject matters I didn’t want to talk about and engage in conversations because of many life insecurities.  I didn’t like to disclose my real age in fact I’d rather hide it or even denied it in some instances because I was shy.  Society pushed me to do it because I did not able to meet their harsh standard gauge of being successful.  Our society dictates us the meaning of success is when you able to get married and have family.  And I feel failed.  I chose not to attend in reunion and birthday parties and celebrations because of embarrassment.  How many times I felt embarrassed when asked why I am still single, and it always followed of the stigma of being single at old age that our society has implicated to most of us.

“I am failure”.  I hate to talk my age because I felt I am failure when reaching the certain ages yet I cannot call myself accomplished.  I felt dismayed of what said life begins at forty yet I haven’t starting my own family or I haven’t achieved a successful career.  I am at my mid-life yet I haven’t settled my future, secured livelihood for myself, and cannot able to own the so called dreamed house.  I have reached this age yet I’m still the poor man needs to work hard.  These made me sad.

I went through a dark moment of anxiety disorder recently but after surviving, I have realized I am still blessed despite my age.  I have realized I don’t have so much to worry about.  If there is one sure, it is the fear of that inevitable passing away but being golden age is privilege that not everyone can have.  I looked myself at mirror and tried to get the lessons of the blessings that I should be thank for and I should say myself I have to be proud fifty’s.  Why, because there are many things that should make me happy and contented.

I am thankful that being at fifty’s, I am one of the few who have no usual complaint of illness to feel sorry.  I am enjoying my health without aid of medical maintenance.  I can go up stair in high buildings as when I used to when I was younger.  Then I thought of the things that I should proud.  Yes, I have to feel proud of myself that despite alone, I was able to get my little achievements just all by myself.  Whatever I have now, I courageously, strongly, diligently and tirelessly got them without help from partner in life or family’s inheritance.  It was from nothing and I able to provide myself.  These are the blessings I have to be proud and thank for.

Turning 50 is definitely a milestone worth celebrating.  In my fifty years, life has been full of stories, lessons, and rewards.  There are ups and downs, there is no perfect life anyway but life is good.  And I should still be thankful to say I did some of what I wanted to do most like going to my favorite places, write and blog, work overseas, learned healthy living, meet friends and give back from what a little I have.  These are my gold and I treasure them.  I feel I am one of those who can embrace it sincerely.  It is just a number, what matter most are the acceptance, happiness, and contentment you feel in your life.  Whether or not the stigma of being single at old age is true, I don’t mind as long as I can be of help and contented to make my life happy and thankful.