IN MEMORIAM OF MY MOTHER (A MOTHER'S LOVE)

A day after my mother’s interment, I started to arrange her stuff that she kept for long time.  Her things should now be placed on the right spot where they will be preserved and valued as they will be important until they last.  So I have to deal with this heartbreaking but necessary moment.  While doing the chore, it was so nice to see little gifts or simply knickknacks that I’m sure meant something for my mother.  Same with seeing old letters, cards and pictures that can’t help to think but to reminisce for a while seeing them again.  Until this moment in time that blew me away while doing the chore, there was this THING that paused me for a while and shed some tears on my eyes.  Because that THING proved how much my mother really loves her children more than anything else.  Despite her illness and despite some hard times that sometimes we her children gave to her, that THING told me the one we call “Mother’s Love”, it tells my mother’s unconditional love to us.  What really made me teary eyed is the thought of whoever is weak is even praying for the welfare of those who are strong.  SHE CARES FOR US BEFORE HERSELF.

My mother had lots of good and yes even some unlikely stories for each of her children, we’re not perfect and every family has arguments, but that moment when I found the breakthrough of her unconditional love, I cannot just think of other things but to recall how great my mother was and how proud and grateful her children should be.   Her prime concern was her children that she would forget herself over us as in she would rather not join in fun, party, travel or stroll as long as her children would.  My mother had great love to her children more than herself and I think this is one of the very reasons why she did not want to let go during her last days.  In our last conversation during her dying days, I told her not to worry about her children but just think of herself alone.  I assured her we her children can stand on ourselves and it is about time to think about herself.  I wanted her to love herself first to ease the pain and embrace the acceptance of being free.  I made her felt we all her children, grandchildren and children-in-laws may not say it but we love her so so-much. 

My mother’s demise definitely brought me in nostalgia, pain, regrets and pity rolled in one.  She was not very vocal how much she loves us but in reality she was indeed caring and sensitive when it comes to her children.   I think the situation dictated it, she needed to work more than eight hours in seven days a week with Good Friday, Town Fiesta, Christmas and New Year as her rests.  Practically she had no time to play with her children but instead she rather wanted to work for her children to send to collages because she valued education – the thing that was deprived to her.  For this we her children should already proud to have a diligent mother.  And she did not raise us, sent to school and provided our needs to invest in her future to become well-off or have someone to work for her.  She may be short-temper as a working-hard mother but deep inside she loves her offspring and their children.  She was straight forward in a diplomatic way. She will tell what she feels, it may be hurtful but she doesn’t want to mean it because she had no intention to hurt anybody’s feeling.   

I am lucky to have a mother like her who never thought me to keep grudge with others be it neighbors, relative or family.  If she may have issue with a certain person, she never influenced us to feel the same towards to the person and instead she wanted us her children to show civil and kindness.  My mother wanted us to never feel bad with others and show respect to the elders and relatives.  And this is the value that I want to instill to our children.  I am lucky to have a mother who although did not have educational degree but she knew which is good manners or not.  She repeatedly told me not to become boastful, arrogant, do not aggrieve others and have fear in God.  She may not religious but she is afraid of bad karma.  She had no envy, not vengeful, no bad egg.  And one of her personalities that I like most is her innocence and I feel good to be this way because through this personality, our materialism, perfectionism, and high self-esteem will not prevail on us.  And this is the personality that I want to keep from the time I learned from her until my last days.