Friday, April 23, 2010

WHAT IS SUCCESS?

In a job interview that I underwent when I was trying to get my second employment as a good career move, I was asked to define success according to myself. In a very composed, casual and confident reply, I defined success as happiness. “Success lies in the happiness of an individual. As long as you are happy, you are successful. It really depends on the person. It is not about the wealth, position and popularity you earned to call you successful. Although you are not rich but you are happy, then you are successful. For me, that is the meaning of success”.

The woman conducting the interview smiled at me and nodded her head. It was only about the early question but I was at least confident on that time and the succeeding questions seemed to be an opinion sharing. It wasn't because of the question about success, there are more questions followed that I answered. But the question about success left a remarkable memory in my mind, and maybe in the whole session of the interview. And it worked for me, after about a couple of week I was called to report in one of the top and best bank in my country.

It doesn’t really follow if you have received various awards, citations, and recognitions in your chosen field. If behind these achievements you know you are not satisfied, you are not happy and definitely you’re not really successful. Contentment and peace of mind are the main core of success, in here is where the happiness comes. If you can sleep at night without guilt of harming your brothers and insufficiently serving your faith, family and friends, if you can close your eyes without fear of dying while at sleep, if you are not bothered of these, then you will wake up in the next morning with full of happiness in your eyes - you are already successful.

We continue to search the happiness rather than the success. We can not criticize and judge those people who would rather prefer poverty and hunger as long as their family is whole and happy because love is making them successful. What is wealth and materials possession if you are not happy? We have our own definition of success. It really depends on the person. It depends on their needs and requirements. As long as you fairly accomplished whatever you really want that makes you happy and contented – this is the meaning of success.


Alex V. Villamayor
April 2010

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

SELF ESTEEM

I am once in a while suffering from low self-esteem wherein I cannot feel better about myself. I don’t feel myself proud about my physical look. For time I always believe that those blue-eyed, blonde and white men are the perfect form of what we call true handsome. I’m quite insecure to think I don’t have the looks of what it takes to be good-looking man. I am dark, there is discoloration on my face. I don’t have a lot of hair in my arms, chest and legs, without having beard and now nearly call from being bald. I don’t have dimples, I have rounded nose, my lips are not kissable neither pouted but moreso they are big. My eyes are not those we call sparkling eyes, not even deep and beautiful eyes.

Pretty upset of these, I said I am not blessed. During my younger years, I did not attempt to apply the position when I see in the classified ads that above pleasing personality is required. I don’t have confidence I can pass the personality test with the personality I have. When I was working, I cannot get along and mingle with these good-looking office boys in their long-sleeve and slacks, I feel little myself with what I have and I can’t get have enough. I know I am not endearing that others will not attract to me. I have fear of losing love because of my personality.

I feel emotionally down that I feel anything I want to do cannot be good and it pressures my burden. When that guilt hounded me during my lonesomeness, I have realized the loosing moment I missed to seize up. During myself reflection, I’ve realized to change my outlook about personality. I started to find my strength, advantages, the better side of me and use it as my tools to stand over the other. I learned to look on the other side to find my strength rather than my physical look. Yes, I am not good-looking but my spirit, compassion and relation with others are good. I may not be the tall, dark and handsome nor may not the typical mestizo but I tried to believe myself that good look is just in the eyes of the beholder. It’s really up to someone who is looking at you. I may not be good looking to you, but on the other’s sight I can be.

Humans are created after the image of God.  If you are feeling down with your personality, stop and think about this - God did not create hideous creature.  You have to believe to yourself because it is not really only the physical beauty that is important but also the inner.  Like in a saying "what’s essential is invisible to the naked eyes", character and personality are far more important than physical beauty. (SRRG)


Saturday, April 10, 2010

PARA SA MGA NALULUNGKOT

Isang araw na nakaramdaman ako ng pagka-inip, kalungkutan at pagkabigo.  May kahalong takot at inis sa sarili na hindi ko alam kung ano ang gagawin ko.  Natatakot na hindi ako maging masaya at naiinis ako sa sarili ko dahil hindi ko makuha ang aking gusto.   Pagkatapos ay malulungkot ako kasi nakikita ko ang sarili kong nahihirapan samantalang yung ibang tao ay hindi naman pinagdaraanan ang aking kinalalagyan - kaya nasasaktan ako.

Nalulungkot ako kasi pakiramdam at palagay ko sa sarili ko ay isa akong bigo.  Hindi ako masaya at hindi ako kuntento sa nangyayari sa aking buhay.  Mula sa isang kasama na nasabihan ko ng aking pagka-inip ay natanggap ko ang kanyang mga salita:

“Kuntento? Iyan ang salitang hanggang ngayon ay hindi pa talaga nauunawaan ng tao. At wala pang tao na kayang sabihin na kuntento na siya. At kung darating man ang panahon na kuntento na ang lahat ng tao eh mawawalan na ng saysay ang buhay natin”.

“Patuloy na maghanap pa sa ikabubuti ng buhay natin, maghanap pa ng ikaku-kuntento natin, yung kagustuhan kung ano ang mangyayari sa atin pagdating ng panahon. Ang “ano”, ang “kailan”, ang “bakit” o kahit ang pangamba sa darating na araw…. ang mga ito ang nagbibigay ng kulay sa buhay ng tao. Para sa akin, normal ito – bahagi ito ng buhay…”

“Ang kailangan lang naman ay ang pagtanggap kung sino ka. Kailangan na matanggap mo ang mga maling nagawa mo.  Lahat ng tao ay nagkakaganito, depende lang sa paraan ng pag-tanggi na hindi sila kuntento sa buhay nila”.


  - Geri B., isang kasamahan




Alex V. Villamayor
November 2009

BE COUNTED, I VOTE...

(One month before the deciding day)

In the previous elections wherein I freely exercised my right to suffrage, I always casted my vote to the candidates whom I believe the most qualified to serve the country. Whether it was based on intellectual capacity, impressive educational background, extensive work experience and positive reputation - I voted them depends on the situation.

It doesn't need to be Harvard graduate, bar topnotch, or UP masteral. It really depends on the situation - different elections get different approaches. True-good qualifications and credentials are big come-on but I go for the credibility. I choose independently - not through any political attachment, family influence and popularity hype. I make my decision according to track record of the candidate.

If why Benigno C. Aquino III because I believe he is the genuine opposition who could bring the important change in present bureaucracy. My major point and concern today is to break the forming pattern of political dynasty and to prevent the existing serious threat in our democracy. There are smart and witty but they are either the standard or suspicious secret bet of present administration which I want to put into end. While other is proclaimed religious believer but I cannot find the political will in his spiritual personality.

Anomalies like Jose Pidal account in 2003, the "Hello Garci" tape rigging the results of the 2004 election, the P728-million Fertilizer Fund scam in 2004, the $503-million North Rail Mass Transit project in 2004, the protection money for FG and presidential son from jueteng in 2005, the $329-million National Broadband Network deal with China's ZTE Corp in 2007.  I say never again, let’s bring justice. I go for a  change, I go for Noynoy.


Alex V. Villamayor
April 2010

Friday, April 09, 2010

OF BEING A FRIEND

(User Friendly)

In these days, it is not easy to find true friend that you can really rely, depend, lean and count on. You are with what you call friend today, or have friend who has just away for quite some times now, but either way has  no assurance until when you'll be friend.

The people surround you today may be you at all times.  They are with you when you are walking, attending parties, go shopping and dining, etcetera. The friend you have now supports you, always there behind and at your side. But when time you need to set apart, either momentarily or for good, that’s the time you’ll know what your true relationship is.  Friendship may die when you take your each way independently. The sweetness, the kindness, the respect – all can be gone.  Well some friends are just too good while you are in reach, while you are together.  They are not true friends.

Some friend can remember to get in touch with you if they want something.  If he needs your suggestion, advice and your presence – he will be there for you. He can be visible and become sweet and thoughtful. He can call you if he has question that bothers him so much no matter how far is he.  While others can remember you when they need to borrow something from you. However, when time you cannot give answer, advice or anything to these friends – they’ll slowly disappear. These people are just taking advantage you and they are not your friends.

These people are not true friends.  We can call these people “user friendly”.  They are opportunists that will just squeeze you to get what you have, extract your resource for their benefits, and take advantage of you.  They do not really need you as the physical person you are but only the valuable personality you have.  Friendship is a two-way, give and take, and fair and square relationship.

Many people will come and many will go, some will stay with you but only few will be your friend. If you have friends now, take care of them. Be open to each other. Be honest and true. Show your anger, happiness, your true color – this is the way he will know you, accept you and treasure you. Value your friendship by keeping the respect to each other.

Either your presence will be temporary only or not, make the best of your time to have your friendship worth to keep.  When time sayas you need to go, keep your connection open.  Because you will never know if time will come that you'll need each other again.

I’ve been met and known friends several times but unfortunately only a few has the right to be called friend. It is hard to find true friend in these days.  Do not take for granted your friends because once true friends gone – you've lost. Friendship is not measured in length of relationship and rate of seeing each other. It is measured in their give and take during their better days and forgiving and forgetting in their dark moments.


Alex Villamayor
January 2008

Wednesday, April 07, 2010

MGA TAONG MAGAGALING

May mga tao na gusto laging siya ang tama, akala niya siya ang magaling, siya ang nakakaalam, siya ang marunong.  Sa usapang pangrelihiyon, trabaho, politika at buhay - hindi siya nagpapatalo sa pangangatwiran.  Kung may sinabi ang kapwa niya na hindi ayon sa kanya ay hindi niya pinapalusot at ayaw niyang pumayag na tama ang kanyang kapwa. O di kaya'y maangas na sumasagot kapag ayaw niya ang iyong sinabi.

Ang dami niyang katwiran. Kung magsalita siya ay parang siya ang nakakaalam ng lahat. Sila yung kapag nagsalita ay maingay na para bang pinalalabas na magaling siya, maaring ipinaparinig sa iba na ang kanyang mga sinasabi ay magaganda at mga tama kaya malakas ang kanyang boses sa kwentuhan. Marami siyang katwiran, at kapag nagsalita siya ay isinisingit niya ang kanyang mga ginawa upang patunayan na tama ang kanyang sinasabi at mga katwiran.

Kailangan aminin natin sa sarili na may kanya-kanyang kagalingan ang bawat isa. Kung mayroon ka man talino sa isang bagay ay hindi nangangahulugan na ikaw palagi ang tama o ang pinakamagaling sa anomang bagay. Kung sa palagay mo ay matanda ka at mas alam mo ang buhay kaysa sa nakababata sa iyo, kailangan isipin mo na maaari kang madaig ng nakababata sa iyo, kahit sabihin mo pang linya mo ang pinag-uusapan ninyo. Hindi dahil sa mas may karanasan ka kaysa sa ibang tao ay ikaw ang tama dahil maaring hindi mo naman natutunan ang mga aral sa iyong karanasan.

Huwag kang masyadong masalita. Mas marami kang sinasabi ay mas nagiging marami ang iyong pagkakamali. Kung magpapatuloy ka sa pagsakop sa iyong mga kausap, magiging wala kang kuwentang kausap at marami ang iiwas sa iyo. At mapupuna mo na halos wala ng nagkukusang makipag-usap sa iyo kung hindi rin ikaw ang mag-sisimula ng usapan. Marami ang naiinis sa iyo dahil ikaw ang laging nagiging bida, ang tama, at ang magaling. Kaya masisisi mo ba na kainisan ka ng ibang tao kung ang sarili mong anak ay naiinis sa iyong pagiging magaling?


Alex Villamayor
September 2009

MGA MAHIRAP KASAMA

Sa isang lugar na may kasama kang ibang tao na namamahayan, napakahalaga ang magkaraoon ng pakikisama, paggalang at pagkakasundo. Bakit may mga tao na hindi yata marunong makaramdam kung sila ay nakakaperwisyo?

Kung ikaw ay may kasamang ibang tao sa iisang bahay, makiramdam ka sa iyong mga ikinikilos. Maraming maliliit na bagay na ipinagwawalang bahala mo ngunit ang totoo ay nakakaperwisyo ka na. Katulad ng pagsasara ng pinto, kung nagagawa ng iba na mabuksan at maisara ang pinto ng hindi nakakalikha ng ingay, bakit hindi ikaw? Kahit ang paggawa mo ng mga gawaing-bahay, nagkakalampagan ang mga kaldero, pinggan at sandok mo kapag ginagamit mo iyon. Kailangan bang ihagis mo sa lamesa ang iyong mabigat at maingay na susi kung ikaw ay parang pagod galing sa trabaho?

Alam na alam mo naman na nasa iisang kuwarto lamang kayo, kailangan naman na igalang mo ang kanyang pag-iisa at katahimikan. Mangyaring nakikita mong nakahiga ang kasama mo, kung natutulog man o nagtutulugan, hindi ba’t dapat lang na kontrolin mo ang tunog ng panunuod ng iyong telebisyon? Bigla na lang magugulat ang kasama mong nagpapahinga dahil biglang nagputukan ang mga baril at kanyon sa pinapanood mong giyera sa telebisyon.

Kung iyong nakilala ang iyong kasama na maayos at masinop sa bahay, sana’y isinaalang-alang mo ang kaayusan sa bahay. Bakit ginagawa mong magsabit ng mga damit sa inyong dingding, magtambak ng mga napulot na kung ano-anong bagay at maglagay ng mga pangsariling gamit sa maraming bahagi ng inyong bahay?

Pakikipagkapwa-tao. Kung ang sarili mo lang ang kaya mong pakisamahan, wala kang puwang sa mundong ginagalawan ng ibang tao. Turuan mo ang sarili mo na igalang ang ibang tao, alamin mo ang kanyang mga gusto at disgusto upang magkasundo kayo sa iisang usapan. Pag-aralan mo ang pakikisama sa pamamag-itan ng paggalang sa inyong pagkakaiba, respeto sa pagkatao ng iba at pagtangap sa katotohanang kailangan mo ang makisama at pakisamahan.



Alex Villamayor
September 2010

Thursday, April 01, 2010

OF LOVE AND DESIRE

What will you do if you suspect your spouse is having extra-marital affair?

Unless there are obvious signs of concubinage or adultery and you are deeply affected, then you have to talk your partner and discuss what your issues are. Otherwise, keep silent and focus yourself to develop your relationship. Rather than stressing your mind in thinking rumors, hearsay and doubts, take it as the perfect time to analyze yourself and have improvement.

Bringing it out of the sack might trigger arguments and cause disappointment. If your partner is really having affair with other, this will just give him/her idea to be extra careful and may totally unable you to discover what you need to know. His/her moves will not become normal and usual which will persuade you into the wrong information. Let him/her remain clueless of your suspicion so that if he/she really does, you can catch the big fish out of their own mouth.

Remember, you are just suspecting. There is no certain yet about his affair. Revealing your suspicion like accusation will not help you but will just make you the loser.

What will you do if you fell in love in two?

No two persons are alike. If you are saying you equally love two persons – that is not true. Although you feel your warm affection to both of them, but still one of them weights more in your heart. You can’t love two persons at the same time. You will love the other and the other will suffer. You may love the second and the first may suffer.

Take time-out, sit down and make reflection. Look at their strengths and weaknesses. List them down and count their points. Then make decision: what really do you want? - the heavier in characters or maybe you like the less?

Marriage is not an even and straight road to take, it can be a long and winding one. Every day is a continuous learning process of knowing each other. Your day to day life is unending discovery of your compatibility, differences, strengths, weaknesses, characters, and plan. There is no really such thing as expert, it’s just a skill of handling your issue.


Alex V. Villamayor
April 201