2025 EXPERIENCE

10, 9, 8...... 3, 2, 1, 0!!!

As the previous year has just turned to end, let me ponder some thought before I take the leap into the brand new year that has just started.

2025 was tiring, I started it having my self-esteem practically down. My work hit me hard during that time that I constantly questioned my value and worth. Here started my points of view about being smart versus being kind. Although that did not last long, but financial challenges made felt between now and then until thing became even tougher at least towards the end of the year: I was feeling dumped, and I thought 2025 was tiring. For 2026, I might only check up on those who check up on me, will only call people who call me, will text people who text me. Mirror method, sad and hard but this is how 2025 taught me. Some seems have hanged, do not care after me. I just feel like I'm really do not matter to them, maybe not needed anymore, and might as well I give up and let them go.

The past year was a little tougher; enough to claim has survived that year. I started it with tight budget. I thought I can handle it until I realized I am not running out of expenses. Seriously. I faced financial difficulties during the year. I cannot imagine how I did it but I had able to pay for the amount that I can't afford to save in a year. I did not bother any of my closed ones, I didn't want to bring back favors or oblige them helping me out. Instead I'm just the one who did sacrifice. For one thing, my tightening the belt practice has paid off. This year, I think I might really need some help from them.

I started it boldly and assertively. They said you will never know until you do it, so I risked and then see what "will be" will be. Now, I am more than half way of completing it. Thankful that I did it and thankful that I trusted my feeling, all these for my retiring home.

Since the last three years, I am starting to prepare myself to feel fast my approaching new chapter in life as senior citizen. I am wishing to get rid of some feelings for friends in this place to make leaving them is easier and lighter when back to my base. 2025 challenged my readiness. I felt I am ready but there were times I found myself affected of the coming parting ways. For 2026, expect I will be a little recluse because I want to become tougher, I want to value myself, take care of my mental health, living my own life alone, and give a cheer that I deserved.

It is road to 60.

TAHANAN

Nung araw na sa Pilipinas pa ako nagtratrabaho, ayokong lumayo o umalis sa sinilangan kong bayan kasi gusto ko ang lugar namin, gusto ko ang mga tradisyon ng aming bayan, narito ang mga kinasanayan ko, at narito ang mga tao na kaibigan, kababata, nakasabayan, nakilala at nakasama ko. At isa pa, bahagi na rin ng pagiging makabayan ba.

Kaya nung mga unang taon na ako ay nagtratrabaho na sa ibang bansa ay plinano ko na kung magkakaroon ako ng sarili kong bahay sa loob din ng aming bayan ang gusto ko. Ngunit sa paglipas ng mga taon, nalilibang ako sa kinaroroonan ko, nagugustuhan ko ang aking lugar, at nararamdaman ko na nasasanay na akong malayo sa aming bayan. Tuwing bakasyon ko kada taon, sa paulit-ulit kong pag-uwi at pag-alis, tumatagal ay nararamdaman ko ng nagbabago na ang lugar at mga tao sa amin. Marami na akong hindi kakilala at hindi rin ako kilala, marami na akong mga hinahanap na hindi ko na makita. Bagamat naroon pa rin ang aming lumang bahay ay nagbago naman ang mga kapit-bahay at kapaligiran na nakikita ko. Ang mga tao ay nagdadatingan at umaalis lang kaya parang nawawala na yung mga gusto ko at hindi ko na rin hinahanap iyung mga dati kong kinasasabikan. 25 taon na akong malayo sa aking bayan, nasa kalahati ng buhay ko ay wala ako, kaya parang hindi na ako yung dati ng naririto pa ako. Kaya naging maluwag na sa loob ko na manirahan na kahit sa ibang bayan kasi hindi na rin naman iyun ang dating lugar na naruruon ang mga hinahanap ko. Parang wala na ako gustong babalikan na kinasasabikan ko dati dahil nag-iba na: ang aking interes, ang aking plano, ang lahat. NAGBAGO na, at nagbago na rin ako.

Ngayon ay binubuo ko ang aking magiging bagong mundo. Hindi sa bayan na aking kinalakihan na minahal ko ng sobra at totoo. Kahit hindi man ito sa aming bayan na lugar ng mga kamag-anak ko ay wala na akong nararamdamang bigat ng loob sa paglayo ko. Ngayon ay nasimulan na itong maitayo, pinipilit kong matapos sa darating na taon, at sa susunod na taon ay mapunan na ng mga gamit. Gusto kong magkaroon dito ng mga bagay na aking kinalakihan. Ang katahimikan, ang pagiging mapag-isa, ang maaliwalas na kapaligiran, ang interes ko sa mga halaman, at ang mga kulay na nagsasabi ng aking ugali at pagkatao. At ng sa ganun na paraan man lang ay mabalikan at makasama ko ulit iyung mga nawala sa akin habang ako ay nawala sa aming bahay.

Ang buhay ay walang kasiguraduhan. Hindi permente ang mundo, marami ang nagbabago. Nagbabago ang ating ugali, mga prinsipiyo, at ang mga plano natin. Hindi dahil mali ang mga dati mong paniniwala kundi dahil iyun ang mga kailangan mo dati at nakatulong ang mga iyon upang magbago ang kaisipan mo ngayon. Kung kailangan ng pagbabago, tanggapin at yakapin ito. Hindi masama ang pagbabago kung hindi naman ito nakakasira. Hindi masama ang umalis, hindi masama ang lumayo. Hindi kataksilan ang mang-iwan, hindi karamutan ang mag-isa. Kailangan lang tanggapin na kapag wala na ang kasiyahan sa puso mo ay maaari ka ng magsimula muli ng panibagong yugto ng iyong buhay.

BUHAY NA PANAG-INIP

Paano kung isang araw ay nalaman mo na ang buong buhay mo na sumapit ka na sa kalagitnaan ng buhay ay panag-nip lang pala lahat? lyung nagising ka na bata ka pa pala, nasa elementarya pa lang, nananag inip ka pala mula sa magdamag na pagkakatulog. Bigla ay napa-isip ka at napa-tanong "paano nga kaya? Paano kaya kung ang lahat ng ito ay isang panag-inip lang? lyung lahat ng karanasan na pinagdaaanan mong paghihirap, sakit, kabiguan ay hindi pala totoo dahil panag-inip lang pala. Nagising ka sa ingay na naririnig mo, iyung hindi mo man maintindihan nang malinaw ay alam mong may mga ingay kang naririnig hanggang magising ka, dahan-dahan kang nagdilat ng mga mata at natanaw mo ang mga kapatid mo na masayang nakatingala na tila mayroong pinagmamasdan.

Naaala-ala mo, kagabi lang ay nanonood kayong magkakapatid ng lumang pelikula sa telebisyon. Hanggang wala ka ng maalaala dahil antok na antok ka ay nakatulog ka na at napunta ka na sa ginagawa ninyong malaking parol nuong isang linggo. At nakita mo ang iyong crush kasama ng kanyang mga kaibigan na dumaan sa harapan ng inyong bahay. Medyo nagtago ka sa may likod ng inyong pinto pero nang makalampas na sila ay sobra ang iyong saya. Ganun pala ang pakiramdam nung sinasabing kulay rosás ang paligid. Hanggang sa murang edad ay nakaranas ka na ng kabiguan dahil nalaman mo na ang crush mo ay mayroon ibang crush.

Ang mga tao ay malupit. Ang kanilang panunukso, pamimintas, panghuhusga ay masakit sa kalooban. Mahirap ipilit, ibagay, baguhin ang sarili sa mundo na hindi ka tanggap o hindi ka kauri. Ilang beses ka ng nasaktan sa pamantayan ng mga tao. Gusto mo ng kaibigan pero pakiramdam mo ay ayaw naman nila sa iyo. Gusto mong naging palakaibigan ka pero pakiramdam mo hindi ka nabibilang. Wala kang makita na matalik na kaibigan. Wala kang mapagsabihan ng mga problema, mahanap ng makakaramay, mahingan ng tulong. Kaya natutunan mo na lang ang maging mapag-isa, malakas, at independiente.

Maraming beses ka napapahiya, kapag naaalaala mo ay nakakaramdam ka ng lungkot, awa at galit sa sarili mo na sana ay hindi na lang nangyari dahil ang mga ito rin ang hanggang ngayon ay pinagsisisihan mo na nangyari. Masakit at mahirap ang buhay. Naramdaman mo na hirap kayo sa buhay nang ang mga magulang mo ay nakikita mo na kinakapos sa pera, iyung hindi nila maibigay sa inyo kung mayroon kayong hinihingi, iyung nakikita mong iginagapang ang pag-aaral ninyo. Nakikita mo na nagungatang ng pera ang iyong ina, ang matrikula mo ay kinukuha sa paluwagan, nakakaramdam ka ng gutom sa eskwelahan, wala kang pang-porma di tulad ng ibang kabataan.

Nag-iisip ka, bakit may mga tao na masuwerte dahil hindi sila hirap na hirap, nakakakuha ng magandang trabaho, nabiyayaan ng kaaya-ayang hitsura, at madaling magustuhan ng ibang tao? Masakit malaman na ang tao na matagal mo ng gustong-gusto ay mayroon na palang minamahal. Mula sa kinatatayuan mo ay mangılıd-ngilid ang luha mo, gusto mong tumigil ang lahat sa anumang ginagawa nila pati ang pag-ikot ng mundo para lapitan siya at sabihin sa kanya kung gaano kasakit ang naramdaman mo. May mahirap ka pang pinagdaanan Dumaan ka sa malaking pagsubok: malaking pagkakautang, naloko sa paghahanap ng trabaho sa ibang bansa, nawalan ng kaibigan. Ramdam mo walang nagmamal sa iyo. Ramdam mo na tatanda kang mag-isa. Walang tutulong sa iyo.

Nasa kalagitnaan ka na ng buhay, nsisip mo kung ano ba ang silbi mo sa buhay? Ito na ba ang buhay, bakit pang marami ka pang hindi nakakamit? Bakit parang matanda ka na ay hindi mo pa rin masabi na ikaw ay tagumpay? Nilabanan mo ang mga hamon ng buhay. Sinikap mo buhayin ang iyong sarili, at pinilit mong makatulong. Nangarap, pinilit makuha ang pangarap kahit mahirap, kahit walang kang katuwang. Ang mga nakamit mo, maliit man o malakı, lahat ng iyon ay mag-isa mong kinuha mula sa luha, dugo at pawis ay ikaw lang lahat. Pero wala na ang mga magulang mo na sana ay nakita ang bunga ng iyong paghihirap. Kahit nabalitaan mo na ang tao na matagal mo ng gustong-gusto ay hindi nagka asawa ngunit mayroong anak.

At lumapit sa iyo ang iyong tatay para sabihin na nakasabit na iyung ginawa ninyong malaking parol nung isang linggo. At sinabihan ka ng nanay mo na tumayo ka na dahil kakai na kayo ng alamusal. Nalaala mo ang pinapanood ninyong pelikula kagabi na hindi mo pala natapos dahil nakatulog ka. Napatingin ka sa paligid, nakita mo ang mga kapatid mo na nasa labas ng bahay at naka-tingala at tinitingnan ang nakasabit na malaking parol. Magandang simula ito ng isa na namang masayang araw ng Sabado na gustong-gusto mo dahil walang pasok sa eskwela.

Hanggang ngayon ay napapaisip ka, panag-inip lang pala ang lahat pero parang totoong totoo. Nalilito ka man, naisip mo paano nga kaya kung ang lahat ay panag-inip lang pala, gugustuhin mo ba kung ang lahat ng ito ay isang panag-inip lang. Maiisip mo, salamat at hindi naman pala totoo iyung mga nangyari na hindi magaganda, mga kabiguan, mga sakit na naranasan mo. Kapiling mo pa pala ang iyong mga magulang at mga kapatid. Pero paano yung mga masasaya at magaganda kung panag-inip lang pala ay sayang lahat dahil hindi naman pala totoo. Iyung pakiramdam mo nang makapasa ka sa pangnasyonal na pagsusulit, mga pinuntahang magagandang lugar, iyung nakamit mo ang ilan sa mga pangarap mo lyung pinasaya mo ang nanay mo kapag binibigyan mo siya ng regalo na gamit sa kusina. Nakakalungkot kung panaginip lang ang mga iyun dahil pagtutuunan mo pa lang pala na gawin ang mga iyun. Kahit papaano ay may mga malalaki at masasayang nangyari sa buhay mo na nakakahinayang na hindi naman pala totoo. At nakakatakot din naman na kung bata ka pa pala ay baka dadaanan mo na naman ang mga malulungkot, masasakit, at mahihirap na nakita mo sa panaginip na pinag-daanan mo.

KAMUSTA KA, SELF (2025)

1975. Kamusta ka diyan self? Balita ko ibang-iba na ang buhay natin diyan. Sama ako.

2025: Diyan ka muna, samahan mo sina tatay at nanay. Kasi dito, mag-isa na ako ngayon, hindi ko na sila kasama. Enjoyin mo lang ang buhay diyan kasi ngayon kapag nagbabalik-alaala ako, ang dami kong pinanghihinayangan na sana ay ginawa ko. Huwag kang laging takot, huwag kang laging inisip baka pagtawanan o pagkuwentuhan ka ng ibang tao.

Enjoyin mo ang lugar diyan kasi ang daming nagbago dito, Yung silid-aralan natin nung grade-1, yung poso sa hangia, yung mga tanim sa tabing-ilog, iyung bahay natin, at yung liputan. Ngayon ay kung hindi malaki ang nagbago ay wala na ang mga iyan na ngayon ay hinahanap-hanap ko. Ang sarap alalahanin Kung mayroon lang paraan na makabalik ulit ako diyan para lang makita ulit ang mga iyun kahit sandali at isang beses lang.

1985: Ano ba ang nangyarı diyan? Nalulungkot ka pa ba? Punta ako diyan.

2025: Ok lang, hindi dahil masaya kundi dahil natanggap ko na lang. Totoo yung kasabihan na mas masaya nuong araw na bata pa. Ang mga tao ngayon dito ay gustong-gusto nila bumalik nung panahon na bata pa sila dahil mas masaya daw ang buhay at mas tahimik, parang ako kahit alam ko naman ná malungkutin tayo diyan ay gusto kong bumalik diyan. Diyan ka lang, mahirap kasi dito - wala tayo makakasama na karamay sa lungkot at hirap. Oo indepent tayo dahil yun ang itinuro sa akin ng buhay na tinahak ko pero kapag sumapit ka na sa taon ko ngayon, duon mo mararamdaman nanghihina din tayo na kailangan ng karamay. Oo, proud ako na kung anoman ang mga nakuha ko ay pinaghirapan at nakuha ko ang mga iyun nang ako lang mag-isa, walang katuwang, walang kaagapay.

Kaya simulan mong makihalobilo ka sa marami upang makakita ka ng mga totoong kaibigan at masimulan mong buoin ang lalim ng pundasyon ng pakikipagkaibigan niyo upang magkaroon ka ng kaibigang panghabang-buhay. May makikilala ka sa kolehiyo, yung katabi mo sa upuan. Kaibiganin mo Huwag kang matakot na hundi ka makakatapos ng pag-aaral kapag nakipagbarkada ka. Natakot kasi ako nuon na hindi makapagtapos ng pag-aaral dahil baka wala akong mapupuntahan kapag hindi nakatapos ng pag-aaral ang tao na tulad natin. Nakatapos ako ng pag-aaral ng walang kaibigan pero malungkot naman ako ngayon. Ngayon ay naisip ko na kung binuksan ko lang ang sarili ko sa pakikipagkaibigan ay baka naging kaibigan ko siya hanggang ngayon, at nanghihiwayang ako ngayon dahil iyun ang wala ako ngayon - matalik na kaibigan.

1995: Na-achieve mo ba yung goal natin na maka-abroad, maka ipon at magkapamilya? Excited ako.

2025: Narito ako ngayon sa ibang bansa na hindi ko naisip na mapupuntahan ko. Yung pera, ang hirap talaga niya ipunin. Akala ko nuon, makapagtrabaho lang ako nang mas malaki ang suweldo kaysa şa trabaho ko sa bangko diyan ay magkakaroon na ako ng dream house natin. Pero hindi naging madali, matagal pa bago ko nakuha at hindi na iyung pinangarap natin na engrande. Sa paglakad kasi ng mga panahon ay nagbabago ang gusto natın depende sa realidad at kailangan natin.

Lakasan mo ang loob mo diyan, tibayan mo ang dibdib mo dahil pagdating mo dito ay mag-isa ka na lang. Walang pamilya na inakala natin nuon. Pero huwag kang mag-alala ok naman ako dito, Excited na ako sa buhay ng maging isang senior citizen. At kapag naruon na ako, kamustahin mo ulit ako.

BEAUTIFUL INDEED

I visited Tawi-tawi and I swear I was really stunned how naturally beautiful it is like its vast, spectacular, and majestic mountains, the resembling puzzled-pieces of green rice fields stretching to the horizon, the stunning sand bar and white sand beaches echoing the waves of blue water. These are canvass-worthy of artwork but despite these accolades, there was a part of sadness in me seeing Tawi-tawi on the other view.

It was a shady and cold aftermoon when the drizzle has just ceased though no petrichor, I saw the children walking around, some of them are bare footed walking on the damp passages, they were looking at tourists like me. No words needed, they were happy to receive small amount But what really pained me was seeing the sadness of these young eyes unhappy with their situation, too young that nothing they can do but be alone and left behind. I saw some older and elders too standing within their yard, picture of waiting the night to come. Their houses are made up of patched woods at least one-foot meter above the mud, seems to be standing there for the longer time, and there are makeshifts wooden bridges going to inner houses. The sky was clear and the ambiance was quiet but the silence there makes the feeling an everyday lonesomeness whose people want to escape the scarcity.

The face of poverty is disheartening and it is saddening, the feeling of in despair is playing Though I admire the generally immaterialism way of life here but the big probability of incapacity to taste a little luxury of life is depressing starting with unkempt hair children wearing loose dresses and their parents cannot afford to dress them nicely. The adults too and look tired from hard labor and sunburned skin color. Living is finding foodstuff to live, the place is blessed with this. You will never hungry just be diligent to plant in own yard and go to lakes or rivers to fish and you will have foods to eat. But life is truly not all about these, men are not always in bread alone. Children and grown up need to leam life's skill, knowledge through education, and plans for strong future. Your matured life should be improved and better than when you were before, there is something missing in you when you passed away same poor since birth.

The day before, Tawi-tawi on my first glance was picturesque of pure haven, no edit needed. I was overwhelmed with everything is genuine: smelling every earthy scent of rich soil and plants in misty forest, feeling the tender touch of the sun on my skin, and enjoying the humble downtown, I really like their layback, slow, quiet, and natural rustic and simple life and there is no doubt about that. The next day, helpless and guilty. There is guilt in me because while when I came into this place appreciating its beauty, there are its destitute people on their own humble abode and here I am making it indulgence of coming there.

I travelled the farthest place in my country to find the people who don't need much to be happy. They have this strong patience amidst of insufficiencies not because they are contented and do not want to pursue more but they have leamed to get the most of whatever they have. Tawi-tawi is telling me be me less is more. Tawi-tawi taught me expands my empathy to humble self and fosters the humility. Sometimes travelling is not all-fun, you need to see the downside of a place to find something new and nevertheless good. And Tawi tawi on my mind will be always beautiful and humble.

WAG CO-KURAP

(huwag kang kukurap, huwag kang kasabwat ng kurap)

Sa isang mahirap na bansa na tulad ng Pilipinas ay pahirapan talaga ang mamuhay kaya natutukso ang mga tao, mayaman, mahirap, may trabaho at wala, na gumawa ng mas malaki at mas mabilis na pagkakakitaan kahit sa paraang illegal. Dahil gusto ng mga tao ay mabuhay at ang mabuhay ay matira ang pinakamatibay kaya lumalaganap ang mga katiwalian at krimen.

Nuon pa ay may korapsiyon na, matagal na itong nangyayari. Sa tagal nga ay tinatanggap na ito na parang nasanay ng nariyan lang na bahagi na ng buhay, sistema, at ugali. Marami ng mga anomalya ang nabulgar, pinag-usapan, hanggang makalimutan kapag mayroon na namang ibang anomalya ang mababalitaan. Walang napaparusahan kaya ang mga tao na sangkot ay nakakaalis, may nagpapatuloy ulit, may napapaganda pa ang katayuan dahil nariyan pa rin ang kapanalig na nakikinabang din sa korapsiyon. Paulit-ulit lang, magkakaiba lang ng mga tauhan at halaga kung magkano ngunit pare-pareho ang mga kuwento ng pagkamal ng limpak na salapi. Ang mga sangkot: politiko, mambabatas, ahensiya, trabahador at ordinaryong tao lahat ang pakay ay kumuha ng pera mula  sa kaban ng bayan na pang-serbisyo sana sa taumbayan. Paulit-iulit, paikot-ikot at walang katapusan, kung mayroon lang sana kinahahantungan ang mga imbestigasyon para maparusahan ang mga sangkot maging sino man sila.

Bata pa lang tayo ay naririnig na natin ang salitang korapsiyon. Ngayon, mas nagiging sistematiko, mas lumalala, mas dumadami. Matagal na ang korapsiyon, hindi lang sa flood control, TUPAD, 4Ps, ayuda, sa halalan. Hindi lang sa DPWH, sa Custom, Philippine Sports Commission, sa DepEd, sa DOH, kahit sa mga lokal na munisipyo, opisina ng baranggay at mga organisasyon ng mga maliliit at ordinaryong tao tulad ng mga TODA, homeowners at religious group. Ganito kalawak, katalamak at kalala ang korapsiyon sa Pilipinas na pinagtibay na ng panahon dahil walang napaparusahan, dahil tinatanggap na ng mga taumbayan, at dahil sa ugali ng tao na materyalismo at hindi marunong makuntento. Maraming tao ang walang kasiyahan at walang kabusugan. Hindi sa kasuwapangan dahil nakikihati siya sa kapwa niyang katulad din niya ngunit hindi lang talaga sila makuntento na kailangan pa nilang ulitin at ulitin ulit hanggang nabubuhay. Hindi totoong kapag mayaman ay hindi na magnanakaw dahil hanggang ang tao ay makamundo, sisiguraduhin niyang magpalakas upang maipaglaban niya ang kanyang kapangyarihan dahil ang materyalismo na ito ay nagiging simbolo ng magandang buhay.

Nakakalungkot dahil maingay lang tayo ngayon dahil bago ang balita pero lilipas din ito. At habang ang nakararaming taumbayan ay hinahayaan na lang dahil masaya na silang mabibiyaan kahit kaunti at sandali, maging buhay-pasko paminsan-minsan dahil sanay na sila sa hirap, dahil wala naman daw mangyayari, dahil wala naman daw silang magagawa, dahil pare-pareho lang naman ang mga iyan. Matagal ng ganito ang katwiran ng marami kaya lumala ito, kaya hindi matapos ito, at kaya iyung mga tiwali ay mas lumakas at mas kampante.  Pero hindi dapat ganito, sana huwag natin tanggapin na lang dahil kung ganito ay korap na rin tayo. Hindi dapat hayaan ang korapsiyon. Dapat sa katawagan pa lang ay pandirihan na ang korapsiyon. Kailangan magalit tayo sa korapsiyon, paka-ayawan natin ang gawaing ito, maging kahihiyan ang madawit dito, at maging sumpa ang gumagawa nito. Marami ng tao ang namatay dahil dito, ilang tao na ang hindi makapagpagamot dahil sa korap na serbisyong-medikal. Ilang tao na ang nawalan ng magandang kinabukasan dahil hindi nila natikman ang mapaglingkuran sila ng bayan. Ilang bata na ang hindi nakapag-aral dahil sa bulok na sistema ng edukasyon? Ilang tao na ang nawalan ng pag-asa dahil ang mga oportunidad ay nako-korap? Sa laki ng mga ninanakaw sa atin ay mapapaisip ka na kaya naman pala ng Pilipinas na sumabay sa makabagong teknolohiya tulad ng nasa ibang bansa kung ang mga perang nananakaw ay napupunta sa tama. Kung tutuusin ay kaya naman pala natin na gumastos din ng malaking pera para magkaroon tayo ng transportasyong pang-publiko na pang-daigdigan ang kalidad, tulay na katulad sa mauunlad na bansa, makabagong ospital sa abot-kayang gamutan, o pensiyon mula sa gobyerno pero hindi mangyari-yari ang mga ito dahil sa korapsiyon.

SPEAKING TO THE GRADUATES

There were times in my life that I was dreaming of becoming a guest speaker delivering commencement speech in a graduation ceremony in any of our schools in my hometown. I was dreaming then that my alma mater or my town will acknowledge me in the field that I chose - creative writing. Though it did not happen but I have no regrets at all, believing that writing is meant to be my personal fulfillment that no needs to make it loud. Now.... I just want to live that dream even just today which is timely in graduation season, so let say if I were to speak to the graduates in commencement exercise in a university, here will be the transcription of my commencement address.

(Acknowledgement remarks) "A big applause to the graduates of batch 2025, you did it. This is the day, celebrate, you deserve it. After all those bloody days and nights of academic struggles like anxiety kapag may examination, grasping with complex lessons, social struggles like pakikibaka sa traffic, at personal struggles like problematic mong tuition fee at baon, pagtitiis sa gutom, puyat, at takot mo if makakatapos ka ba talaga, family issues, if any and time management if you are a working student or young parent. And you have surpassed them all. Now you can say you just have had a big success in your life. Well, meron na naman kayong maituturing na success before this milestone (graduation) but this one is different fulfillment because this is 22 or 23 years in the making, and it just adds feather on your cap".

"When I was in grade school, I always thought that only the valedictorians, salutatorians, yung mga may honor at yung nasa star section or pilot section lang ang nakakatapos ng pag-aaral kasi for me studying itself was difficult. Ang impression ko pa sa mga nasa higher section ay mga may-kaya sa buhay ang pamilya. And I have seen a lot of youth who did not able to complete studies and they were not in pilot section. I was not in section-A, "Ulirang Bata sa Kasipagan" lang ang nakuha kong award. But later, towards to my final two years in college, it dismissed my belief at napalitan iyun ng: what count most are the perseverance, sacrifices, and faith to finish your study. Good job to all of you who went through the real difficult times in memorization. This was my struggle during grade school. lyung hindi mo alam kung paano gumaling sa pagrereview para sa paparating na exam. But I persevered; I attended the class kahit walang naiintindihan dahil I held on to belief that attendance was an obligation to do, that no matter how it was difficult and so unmotivated to wake up in the morning but I had to, will save me. But things were changed a bit better in high school. First, I started appreciating journaling and learning creative writing. Then I had found out this method: take down notes, write them as how you understood it and you can easily memorize them. It was good to be not too late up to my college. You may have different and harder battles and congratulation to you for surpassing them".

"Now, where will you go after this graduation ceremony? Some of you will take a rest, maybe few will start own business or take care the family business, other are going to other countries as oversea workers, but as beginners, many of you will start to search local jobs. This is now the reality: in class rooms, you were taught about right and wrong by the books, but in outside world, tuturuan ka dito ng kalakalan sa totoong nangyayari. In a country where employment rate is not that impressive, sa pag-aapply mo pa lang ng trabaho you will realize the discrimination like dapat graduate ka from top universities and colleges, or mayroong recommendation by certain person kaya nauna sa interview, so how far can you go competing? There are job seekers who can really land to the job fairly, but many still undergo the hard way to getting into minimum wage. You need job but the classified ad says you need at least five years of relevant experience. You need job to have experience but how can you have experience kung ayaw kang bigyan ng chance to get job? This was my feeling during my one year of job hunt. In theory, it was kind of unfair but it was challenge. Then I had to be diligent, nagamit ko ang "Ulirang Bata sa Kasipagan" award ko to send more job applications, and highlighted it in my applications and later expound it in interview. And I think you really need to find and underscore your strength, your advantage para mapansin ka at maisip nila "wait, parang ok naman ito ah". I learned my lesson: I used my skill in writing by capitalizing it to create good impression to my interviewer. I tried to inject my interest in creative writing and when I able to do it, on the next questions I made to relate my answers in writing. It helped kasi it is easier when you talk from your heart and you will feel relax if you know what you are talking about. If it is your cup of tea, you can answer anything under the sun maybe with flying colors pa (smile)".

"Life in books and classrooms is different from life in real world. After this milestone (graduation) in your life, eventually you will learn new learning. You might leave your learning from the books and your experiences in corporate world and community will teach you the wisdom that will make the person you are. This is part of your growth, journey, and victory. Hindi na ito tulad ng school na may periodic examination to determine kung may natutunan ka but the real life will test you how far can you go and how strong can you uphold to your fundamentals you had learned when you were studying. They are the cores that keep your feet on the ground because you learned them when you were uncorrupted. At sa pagharap mo sa world outside classroom, you will finally meet the micromanagement boss, the task performer working class, expert credit grabbers colleague, the ambitious minimum wage earners, no signal #2 can stop the working immortals for the need of job and daily pay - all for the power and money. Shall you go with the flow or swim against the current? What are your cores? Maybe you need to look back and find that fundamentals you'd learned when you were still uncorrupted mind. This will pleasantly guide you stepping up on the corporate ladder. I am not successful in my gauge as I measure the successful people. I do not have high net-worth, no position in any company or community, no success under my belt, no recognition for my works... I have only "Ulirang Bata sa Kasipagan" award. Through the years, I persevered, Everything I have now which is not that substantial... I patiently, and diligently, and hardly, and fairly achieved them all by myself through blood and sweat and tears. We are not same, maaaring aggressive ka to follow your dreams and that is perfectly good. Your fate will be different from mine and I pray you achieve more. Just make sure to be kind and fair. When you landed a job, you are in melting pot of different person, different characters, and different points of view but you are all in one common goal to go up. At lalabas dito, ano ba ang nai-pundasyon mo sa buhay upang hindi ka matukso at makalaban ka".

"Hindi dahil nakapagtapos ka ng pag-aaral ay maranggal ka na, magaling ka na, tama ka. Dahil may mga tao na hindi umabot na pag-aralan ang pag-gawa ng trial balance o ang pagkalkula ng mga sukat ng pundasyon ng mga gusali, ibat-ibang chemical symbols, theory of relativity, bagkus ang natutunan nila ay ang inosenteng paraan ng pakikihalobilo since nuong high school sila - mas kalugod-lugod sila. May mga tao na ang inabot lang sa pag-aaral ay elementarya ngunit ang kanilang natutunang kagandahang-asal ang kanilang ginagamit na gabay sa buhay - mas kahanga-hanga sila. In the world full of power-driven people where disinformation, misinformation, and malinformation through fake news tend to confuse us amidst of the battle of good and evil... be right and wise. Accepting the bad in the guise of authenticity, disregarding accountability, responsibility, and transparency by normalizing the wrong and evil due to their popularity, sa mundo ng kaguluhan at kabalintunahang ito, huwag kang magpakain sa bulok na sistema. Graduates, always refer to your basic and you will be reminded. When you were young and new, you have that basic learning that kept you grounded, humble, and righteous - these are your core. These are your learning when you were pure, when your disposition was clear, when things were achieved out of good faith. In this fast-paced and modern age, if the circumstances make you complicated and confused, nalulunod ka sa dami ng mga nangyayari, then ask yourself what is your core. What is that lesson you have learned that keeps you right?"

"Graduates, namnamin ninyo ang tagumpay na ito, kahit panandalian lamang dahil sooner or later ay haharap na kayo sa totoong hamon ng malupit na mundo. Maybe some of you have already experienced life's difficult situations but these are just in preparation for bigger challenges. Life after college is even tougher. The world is changing, but wisdom never get old, good morals never get outdated, and kindness never go wrong. Kung saan man kayo makarating, be kind. Always look back to your beginning kung bakit kayo nagdecide na i-pursue at marating ito dahil you were kind during those times. Be kind amidst of this crazy world because it still really matters. Kindness is boomerang. Simplehan natin: are you team-kadiliman or team-kabutihan? The choice is yours. Be wise, Graduates!"

"Good luck to your new endeavors, and mabuhay kayong lahat. Congratulations parents, thank you academe and educators. God bless all of you, to God be the glory".

KAANO-ANO KO SI NORA AUNOR?

Simula nang mag-aral ako, kapag tinatanong ako ng mga guro ko kung ano ang aking pangalan ay kasunod agad niyon ay kaano-ano ko daw si Nora Aunor. Bilang isang bata ay wala akong maisagot. Tuloy-tuloy at walang palya ito tuwing kabubukas ng eskwela at kailangan magpakilala ang mga estudiyante. Hanggang mag-kolehiyo ako ay dala-dala ko ang ganitong tagpo tuwing kailangan kong sabihin o nabanggit ang aking apelyido.

Ang pagkakaalam ko lang ay taal na taga-Angono ang mga Villamayor. Malaki ang angkan na ito at kalat sa aming sinaunang bayan. May mga panahon nuon na basta kumandidato sa aming bayan ang isang Villamayor ay mananalo dahil sa dami nito at sa impluwensiya na rin. Ilan sa mga naging alkalde namin, kapitan at mga konsehal ay mula sa angkan ng mga Villamayor kaya kilala ang aking apelyido sa aming bayan. Nakakaramdam pa ako nuon ng "pagka-yabang" kapag may nilalakad ako sa aming munisipyo at kapag nagsusulat ako ng aking pangalan sa papel ay may pagmamalaki kong iniaabot yun sa tauhan ng munisipyo dahil iniisip ko na iisipin ng tao na yun na kamag-anak ako ni Mayor.

Pero si Nora Aunor, kaano-ano ko nga ba? Kaapelyido, iyun na lang ang isinasagot ko. Malamang ay magkamag-anak kami ngunit hindi ko yun sinasabi dahil hindi ko alam kung paano kami naging magkamag-anak.

Ayon sa kasaysayan, sinasabi na ang apelyidong Villamayor ay nagmula sa salitang Espanyol "Villa" na ang ibig sabihin ay 'lumang bahay', at "Mayor" na ang ibig sabihin ay mga naunang tao o lider. Ayon sa mga matatandang miyembro ng angkan, ang mga Villamayor ay nagmula sa rehiyon ng Bicol. Dahil sa paghahanap ng oportunidad at pagbuo ng pamilya, nakarating sila sa Quezon Province (Mauban, Quezon) at Angono, Rizal. Ang sikat na Pambansang Alagad ng Sining na si Nora Aunor ay isang Nora Cabaltera Villamayor sa totoong buhay na mula sa Iriga City.  

Wala akong muwang sa usaping-artista nuong pumaimbulong nang napakataas ang karera ni Nora Aunor, bagamat naririnig ko ang pangalan niya sa mga usapan at ang kanyang mga sikat na tagalog na kanta sa radyo. Dahil na rin sa popularidad niya sa panahon na yun ay madalas naiuugnay sa kanya ang aking apelyido. Oo, may kaunting tuwa akong nararamdaman dahil kilala pala ng ibang tao ang aking apelyido. Hanggang duon lang ang aking naging pagkakaalam. Hanggang siya ay namaalam na ngayon, unti-unti ay lumalabas ang mga kaalaman na dapat ko pala talaga ikarangal na magka-apelyido kami. Ang kanyang ambag sa industriyang kanyang ginagalawan at sa lipunan, ang mga parangal na natanggap, at ang kababaang-loob at mapagbigay na pagkakakilala sa kanya na iniwan niyang pamana sa ating mundo. Ngayon, naiisip ko na magkalayo man ang aming kinagisnan at kinalakihan, hindi ko na kailangan malaman kung paano ba kami naging magka-apelyido dahil higit sa ano pa man, ang pagiging payak na tao ang nagiging pagkakakilanlan ng aming pagiging magkamag-anak. At hindi man ako naging marunong kumanta may magkaparehong dugo na nananalaytay sa amin. Iyun ay ang aming natural na talento sa larangan ng sining, ito man ay musika, pagpipinta, at pagsusulat.

credit to Mr. Ding Villamayor's facebook from Los Banos Laguna para sa apat na pangungusap na ginamit.

PANGLOKO, PAGKAKAMALI, KASALANAN

Sa kasalukuyang imbestigasyon sa mga pinaghihinalaang nagpapalaganap ng pekeng balita ay nalalantad ang mga hindi magagandang kwento at sikreto sa likod nito. Sa mga nangyayaring ito ay taas-noo ang aking pakiramdam dahil nagsisimula pa lamang ang mga pekeng balita noong 2010 ay isa na ako sa mga nagdududa at nagsasabi na propaganda ang mga ito.  Hanggang naging malala at mas laganap na ito bago mag 2016.

Ang pamamahayag ay iba sa propaganda. Kung ang una ay mayroong tamang tuntunin sa kumbensiyong lipunan, responsibilidad, at pananagutan,  ang huli ay kung ano lang ang pabor sa motibo. May sinusunod na protokol ang pamamahayag, samantala ang propaganda ay matuto lamang kung paano mag-sulat nang kaakit-akit.  Ang pamamahayag ay ang aking totoong pangarap nuong ako ay tutuntong pa lamang sa kolehiyo. Hindi man ako naging mamamahayag pero naging malapit at puso ko ang pagsusulat kaya ayaw ko na sinasalaula ang peryodismo.

Hindi tayo parating tama, pero sa akin, mas mabuti pa ang mga isinusulat ko na akala kong tama ngunit mali pala, kaya sa alam ko ng mali ay pinalalabas kong tama kasi wala naman akong intensiyong mang-gulo at hindi ako nagsisinungalin kundi nagbabahagi lang ako ng aking alam. Ito ang malaking ipinagkaiba ko sa mga taong mag-sulat ng huwad na balita upang kumita, upang mang-gulo, upang baguhin ang kasaysayan, at upang papangitin/pagandahin ang maganda/hindi magandang bagay. Kaya hinding-hindi ako makakapayag na mas masahol pa ako sa kanila dahil ako ay nagsusulat ng aking nalalaman samantalang sila ay nagsusulat lang dahil iyun ang ipinapagawa sa kanila DAHIL sila ay nagsusulat ng huwad at kasinungalinan.

Hindi sila mas mabuti sa akin dahil sila ay mas masahol pa sa mga hayop na walang damdaming makatao. Sinong may kunsensiya ang kayang paslangin ang reputasyon at kinabukasan ng ibang tao dahil lamang sa ito ay hadlang sa kanila, samantalang ang mga hayop ay handang manglapa lamang kapag ang pagkakaalam nila ay nasusukol sila.  Sila ay mas masahol pa sa mga magnanakaw na nagkakamal ng pera sa pagsisinungalin. Ang ginagawa nilang panglilinlang sa mga tao na walang kamalay-malay sa totoong pakay sa kanila ay pagnanakaw ng isipan ng mga mambabasa, at ninanakawan din sila ng sana ay magandang kinabukasan na hindi sana nila tatahakin ang mali kung tama ang kanilang naging kaalaman.  Sila ay mas masahol pa sa mga bandidong grupo at makakaliwa na naghahasik ng kaguluhan at takot sa paraang harap-harapang nilalason ang isip ng mga mambabasa. At sila ay mas masahol pa sa mga tunay na traydor sa bayan dahil sa likod ng kanilang ginagawa ay naruon ang totoong motibo na baguhin ang nakaraan at ang hinaharap ng bayan.

Libangan ko ang pagsusulat na hindi ko pinagkakakitaan bagkus ay paraan ko ito ng pagtulong sa ibang tao sa pamamag-itan ng tulong na may kinalalaman sa pagsusulat, o isa pang paraan upang makapagbigay ng inspirasyon sa mga mambabasa.

Karangalang mangibabaw sa larangan ng pagsusulat ang pangarap ng bawat totoong alagad ng pagsusulat, samantalang pera, kasikatan, kapangyarihan - ito ang mga tropeo na hangad ng mga propagandista at ito rin ang langis na nagpapagana sa kanila. Lagi, ang pagsisinungalin ay kapatid ng magnanakaw, at lagi ang mali ay hindi maitatama ng isa pang mali.

FLYING IN BUSINESS CLASS

For a change I stepped up one of my flights via Philippine Airlines and it was my first time to book in a significantly expensive business class flight. For once, I would like to experience to fly with a real "very important person treatment". My VIP experience started in the check-in counter when I had the priority check-in amidst of the long queue. It was comfortable without long waiting my turn to off load my luggage. The boarding time was opened at 6:20 PM but I availed my perk to embark on the plane on my preferred time. I passed through a separate entry going to my seat, a friendly cabin crew welcomed me and brought me to the assigned seat for me. A fairly small but cozy and spacious area appeared before me, few seats but comfortable and bigger angled seats with more legroom. Though I was not in my favorite spot via window seat, but I really liked the single seat with aisles on both sides and I felt the privacy on the layout of each seat. I was able to stretch my legs, my feet were wearing soft slippers, and I inclined my seat into bed for a while. A small onboard blue flight amenity kit pouch bag was handed out to the passengers, I did not open mine. Though I did not need the available head set for free, from the beginning I already felt the extra care treatment.

When the cabin crew advised me that the dinner and breafast will be served during the course of 9-hour flight, I took the chance to make food review for an in-flight meals. The first serving was the appetizer at around 1 hour after take-off. For my appetizer  I went with Tabbouleh and hummus with lime, lettuce, vine leaves, thinly sliced tomatoes, and mixed nuts on the side. As usual I opted with the fresh orange juice. The flight was from Middle East origin so an Arabian set-up like this was a nice starter. I'd tasted that pungent bitter from crushed parsley and peppery mint in Tabbouleh. Their strong taste is perfect with tangy taste of creamy hummus squeezed with lime. The cheakpeas of hummus balanced the potent tastes. The blanched vine leaves are just ideal to mix with fresh and crunchy lettuce and tomatoes. I cannot say special on it because I am not familiar what are in Middle Eastern foods.

It was a multicourse jeal, the dinner main course was served next. Chicken, beef, and fish were the choices, I chose Beef Roulade for my main course. It was served with asparagus, carrots and potato wedges. I am not a fan of beef but I must say I liked the roasted beef was tenderly done. The sweet-spicy brown souce added a dramatic taste in every spoonful. The asparagus, potato and carrots were saute'ed in olive oil seasoned with peppermint and salt, they were crunchy and good to go their switness with that juicy roasted beef. Honestly I like the meal, though I did not take a shot of wine, it was indeed a nice dinner in the sky.

The breakfast was served after about six hour onboard. For breakfast, I chose omelet. It was served with roasted muchroom, potato and tomatoes. On the side were banana crepe rolls, fruits, and honey. I didn't really like much the omelet; it was kind of moist I think the cheese made it. And I did not eat the mashed banana and mango in yogurt because I don't like the sour savor taste of a fermented milk. But the crepes and fruits salad with sugar syrup were remarkable for me. And yes, a black coffee was next, perfect to balance all those aftertastes and feel relax while enjoying Mabuhay magazine aboard while resting my feet in a spacious leg room  and will touch down in few hours more.

I had the time to open the emenity kit at home. There were two toiletries, moisturizer, a comb with brush, toothbrush and toothpaste, sleeping mask, and sock. All in all, I am pleased with PAL treatment experience and as well as their onboard menu. It was simple, light, and balance, and I am simply basic anyway. The perks of flying business class with Philippine Airlines, defenitely it was a pleasant long nine-hour flight. I wish I could fly once more to take again the edge of a pleasant journey.

BIRTHDAY BLUE

Today I am feeling what we call birthday blue.

A shady feeling in our big day but it is so true.

It is not a year older why the hell I feel in gloom.

It’s the long overdue feeling I am going through

 

There’re many things I wish but only on my mind

There’re things I don’t want but came to my hand

I want to know what else I should go through

Why things are seem very hard to get though

 

I’m now in the feeling of wanting the future

Pull the times to speed up going there too soon

I want to go there without now and tomorrow

because I am fed up to feel more birthday blue.

TRAVELING ALONE

No friends, no problem because travelling alone can be good and enjoyable.  It is not lonely to travel alone.  The freedom, flexibility and peace it gives you are different that enough to not to be lonely.  The idea itself is exciting, fulfilling and rewarding.  Besides, the ability of travelling alone is not for all.

Traveling alone is not sad.  The level of independency is so strong, the freedom is just at your side, it will increase your confidence and you definitely like it.  There are the senses of cleverness, courage, and authenticity to yourself and you are definitely overwhelmed of these.

When your plans did not turn as planned, no one will blame or pressure you.  Similarly, when an untoward incident that out of your hands happens, no one will provoke you and add your dismay for the things that you don’t have control.

The joy of traveling alone is the freedom which is the most satisfying feeling of any human can have.  As an independent and reserved person, I really enjoy travelling alone and it is perfectly okay.  When I travel alone, I travel on my terms, on my phase.  The preparation is easier, I can do the approach on my own way which is relatively much easier.  You may not understand but the conveniency is actually high when I only take care of m yself, I am not responsible with any, I don’t need to worry the accompany, and I can spend more with no guilt of pampering myself.  You can have uninterrupted quality time with yourself, go to new or old places where you please, eat when you want and what you want.  Dining alone is not weird.  It is not uncommon as other might imagine.  The downside I see and the only thing I feel sorry about travelling alone is when I cannot give the same good experience of seeing the beauty of the place to the people I love, and if I could add one more is the lack of person to picture me (but I can ask anyone to take me pictures), but the excitement, satisfaction, learnings, and take aways, are the same or could even more.  I should just say it’s my me-time.

Seing traveling solo is not weird, do not put stigma on it.  There is nothing wrong in traveling alone.  Do not too soon to judge negatively when seeing a person travelling or on vacationing alone, because you never know how accomplished feeling that person has, or is even more than you feel.

When reaching to the point of you cannot have someone to go with, or you do not have someone to talk and appreciate the beauty of the place, you don’t have to worry about these because there is something fulfilling in traveling alone than with company.  Lone is truely a freeing feeling and fulfilling.  It doesn’t immediatey means you are lonely.  Sometimes you just need to have on your own, to be yourself, and have that me-time moments.

FOOTPRINTS IN THE SAND (As Narrated by Alex Villamayor)

A 2024 Maundy Thursday and Good Friday message:

The message of "Footprints in the Sand" is a personal experience that moved me really big. Years 1998 and prior to 2000 were my lowest and saddest point of my life to the point I planned to change my religion. Jobless, negative savings, friend denied me, family was financially short…. Going to church, praying so hard, and attending some worships but I was still undergoing these difficulties – so I thought of going to other religion because I thought maybe I was addressing my prayers to wrong God.

But I was answered. I was answered in a way that was for me. I like reading short stories and messages, and so God gave me a reading material. I found this short article in a journal that when I saw it, the first sentences I read were exactly written like these: “why are you still looking for me? In times when you are in difficulties, in times when you are in pain, those are the times that I am with you, because I am with you who are crucified on the cross".

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST MISTAKE IN LIFE?

Maybe not mistake but my biggest lesson in life is we should live life to the fullest while still young because while we are getting older, our chance to live it to the fullest becomes slim.  I will not say what I chose to live was a mistake, it was just not the practical and witty choice.  I did not choose the popular choice.   This is the reason I think why I still do not feel I am complete.  Doing to live life to full while we are young, we are learning in life, becoming prudent, and earning wisdom and experiences.  And by the time we are old, we are happy in whatever field we have taken because we are made and happy.  If I pursued what I really wanted when I was young, I think I could have a better, happier and more contented life today.

I was so timid, hesitated, and aloof back in the days.  I was always concerned to considering the other people before I make move or decision.  Will the people like it, or will they be affected?  Will they see my flaws, weaknesses, shortcomings and defects?  Will it hit my personality and me as a whole?  And so I deprived myself to feel free, and I suffered self-esteem.  But as I get older, I have realized I don’t need to always consider the others but love myself first as long as no harming others.  I have learned that I am living for myself and not for the others, that I don’t need their validation, to please everybody, and that the more I get older, the less I become uninterested in proving myself.  But the sad thing is, it’s now quite late doing it.  I should have done it long before.

The older you become, the more likely you cannot do what you want.  At my age now, it looks like I cannot go on all the things I used to do and go into bigger and wider lifestyle.  In attempt now to make my life full and big, I want to catch up the lost chances but the time limits my capacity.  I want to enjoy what life can offer like watching concerts, joining rallies, experiencing competitions, and building great bonding with friends and family but the times and resources are practically running out.  I still want to visit at least ten more destinations on my bucket list because I still cannot get enough but the times tell me to slow down.  I travelled to places during late part of my life because back in younger days I chose to set it aside and instead prioritized to get rich, which apparently did not come true because of circumstances.  I still want to work to earn more but my time now is near to retirement and my adrenalin is exhausting, falling, disappearing.  I still want to acquire assets but how can I bravely pay them if having a decent job is no longer on my side? There is no more time, there is no more chance.

But on the other hand when I look back, how can I live the life to the full if I was unequipped then.  Maybe what it meant to live it to the fullest is to be courageous which I was not.  In life you have to be brave – in the sense of confidence to make the move to change your life.  Be brave to loan if it is good credit.  Be brave to meet strange people and be friend. Be brave to speak with veteran and erudite people to gain knowledge.  Be brave to fall in love again and again.  Be brave to take the risk of leading a group of people. Be brave to commit mistakes to learn the lessons.  Be brave to do what makes you happy, complete, and productive – in a fair way.  Life is short and quick to never leave till tomorrow what you can do today so follow your heart and enjoy life to the fullest.  Do it now, because time will come you will feel uninterested in doing these things that you are keen of doing today, or no matter how much you want it but you have no more time and no longer have the strength to do it.  And no matter what we do, we cannot really go back to the past and redo, correct and restart our life.  There is no rewind, there is no take-two.

Time is always our enemy.  The older we get, the lesser times we can do what we want to do.  We get tired while taking our life’s journey until we get old.  By the time we are old, we’re unable to complete what we have missed to do when we’re young.  Be brave to live life to the fullest responsibly.

BIYAHE

Sa pagbisita ko sa dakong timog sa isang probinsiya na napakalayo, habang lulan ng bus na pampubliko sa biyaheng higit siyam na oras na itinakbo, sa isip ay nagkaroon ako ng mga kwento, kuro-kuro, at mga pagkatuto.  Ang daan na binabaybay ay parang telon sa pinilakang-tabing na nakikita ko ang iba-t-ibang tagpo sa lugar na tinatakbo.  Maliwanag ang ala-una sa tirik na sikat ng araw ng alas-dos ng hapon, para akong inihehele sa mahabang daan na di matapos-tapos subalit hindi ako makatulog dahil sa pangangalay sa pagkaka-upo.  Malawak ang luntiang palayan, minsan ay maalon na pampang, malawak na ilog sa ilalim ng mataas na tulay, makapal na puno sa paanan ng bundok, kumpol ng mga bahay sa tabi ng kalsada malawak na bakanteng lupa ang susunod na kumpol ng mga bahay, at mga palay na nakabilad sa kalsada – ito ang mga tagpo sa dinadaaanan ng bus.  Ang taon ngayon ay dalawang libo at dalawampu’t tatlo, ngunit bumabalik sa aking alaaala ang mga tagpo nang ako ay bata pa nuong dekada-sitenta dahil nahahawig ang mga tanawing ito sa aking kinagisnang kapaligiran, na ngayon ay naglaho na dahil sa urbanisasyon tulad ng kabiserang Maynila. Ang nakakantok na kulay ng tanghali kapag kaming mga bata ay pinapatulog, mga kawayan o halamang-bakod at nasa tatlong talampakang simento kung nakakaangat sa buhay, bakurang may tanim ng San Francisco o Santan at mga halamang nakatanim sa lata, puno ng kaimito: ganito ang mga nakikita ko nang ako ay bata pa.

Mula pagbabalik-tanaw nuon balik sa ngayon, naturingan akong nasa sarili kong bayan ngunit pakiramdam ko ay estranghero dahil hindi ko maintindihan sa kanilang dayalekto ang mga tao sa loob ng bus, sa bawat estasyon na pinagbababaan at pinag-aakyatan ng mga pasahero, at sa mga naglalakad sa bangketa.  Sa aking mga nakikita, sila ay mga manggagawa, may ilang mga nakasuot ng panglabas ng bahay na bumibiyahi sa karatig-baryo, at ang ilan ay lumuluwas sa susunod na bayan ngunit hindi ko maintindihan ang usapan nila kaya hindi ko alam kung ano ang mga ginagawa nila ng araw na iyon.  Bawat istasyon ay may kuwento. Mga manggagawa na umuwi upang mananghalian, bumibisita sa kamag-anak, taga-suri ng tiket ng bus bawat pagka-ilang metro, mga batang hindi pa nag-aaral na naglalaro sa tapat ng kanilang bahay.  Alas tres ng hapon ay medyo kumakapal na ang mga tao.  Nadagdag ang mga mag-aaral.  Habang tumatakbo ang bus na aking sinasakyan ay nabuo sa aking isipan na ang mga tao dito ay may sariling buhay na ginagawa.  Mayrooon silang sariling kwento dito na isinusulat.  Habang sa Maynila na aking nasusubaybayan ay may buhay na nagaganap, dito sa probinsiya ay binubuo nila ang kanilang sariling buhay.  Alas-sais ng hapon ay madalang na ang mga naglalakad.  Madalang na rin ang mga nakakasalubong kong bus dahil sa mga oras na ito ang direksiyon ng transportrasyon ay pabalik na sa pinanggalingan ng mas nakararaming pasahero.  Sa ilang sentro ng bayan ay may mga ilaw pa ang mga naglalakihang pamilihan na dinadagsa ng mga tao upang mamili o magliwaliw lamang.  Bakit ang pakiramdam ko ay iba ang kulay ng dapit-hapon sa lugar na ito? Hanggang inabot na ako ng dilim ng ika-pito ng gabi. Natatanaw ko ang malamlam na ilaw sa mga tahanan, sa pagtakbo ng bus ay alam kong ang mga tao sa kani-kanilang bahay ay nanonood ng telebisyon, may nakita akong kumakain, at mga naghuhuntahan.  Sa kabilang panig ay madilim dahil paanan na iyon ng bundok na walang namamahay.

Ang aking realisasyon sa mahabang biyahe na ito ay; napakaraming nangyayari sa ating lahat nang sabay-sabay, at mas marami ang hindi natin nakikita.  Libo-libong kilometro mula sa atin ay may mga  buhay sa dako duon ang kasalukuyang umiiral, may mga pangyayaring nagaganap, at may kanya-kanyang sariling kuwento na maririnig.  Hindi natin maaaring bale-walain ang nangyayari saan mang napakalayong lupalop o ang nasa kabilang panig ng mundo dahil hindi natin nakikita.  Gulatin man tayo ng isang pambirihang balita ay nangyayari talaga hindi man natin nakita.  Pilit mong isinasalba ang inyong relasyon, dinidibdib mo ang pagkatalo sa negosyo, at nagbabata ka sa trabaho (o pag-aaral) ngunit may mga tao rin sa malayong lugar ang kasalukuyang nahihirapan sa mga pinagdaraanang pagsubok sa buhay.  Ito ang ilan lang sa napakaraming problema na nagpapahirap sa mga tao, tunay na napakahirap lutasin ang mga hinaing at disgusto sa ating mundo.

OF AGE AND AGING

When aged 50’s to 60’s, people start to realize the fast life, and the shortness of life too.  These are the ages you hear the bad news when any of your relatives, the person next to your neighborhood, classmates or school mates, your childhood friends, former co-workers, the celebrities you used to watch have passed away.  These are the years when you often hear about deaths.  You may not be in same age.  Some of them are few years younger than you or little ahead than you but you are in same generation.  Few ones have already gone too soon before reaching 50, it is like you feel it seems you have just seen or talked to them just the other day, and now they have already gone this fast and early.  When you are realizing those you used to be with are now starting to leave, you can really say life is really very short.

You are busy working until you realized life is so fast.  You worked hard for long thirty years or more, and you are now just starting to enjoy your life, and you will realize you will just enjoy your life for maybe ten years?  Sometimes I do ask myself and I wonder if I can use to enjoy to the fullest of what I have worked so hard.  When I heard someone died let say at age 65, I can't help to think that I only have few years left to enjoy the fruits of my hard labor.  I have this feeling that after I got them for long years and will just enjoy them for few years, is it kind of unfair?  There is no guarantee to live another ten, twenty, or thirty years, and I just feel it is unfair living so hard and painful for long years and just enjoy your life for short years only.  There is no guarantee at age 70 if I can still able to walk far, travel long distance, and enjoy what I am enjoying now, so I expect the coming years to enjoy is not that much anymore.  But I believe when I reach there, God has way of redirecting my happiness to different spectrum. I am just hoping I do not cross the existential crisis while I am aging.  I don't want to feel losing all the meaning and purpose of life of an old man.

In recent years, I am starting loosing people.  Those I used to be with, whom in one way or another that in some points of our lives we had been mutually at ease with each other have gone.  I had classmates, co-workers, and some colleagues who have already gone, and of course my mother too.  Now, all I am holding on to is the words to ponder about the value of life.  I think, no matter how long or short your existence in this earth, when you able to perform the roles you opted to play, the life you choose to live, and the ambitions you worked hard to build, the full circle of life is served.  The cycle of life is complete even if you didn’t go through the so called concept of life which is to undergo the series of stages passes from the beginning stage to end and repeat by you r offspring to continue the cycle.  Everybody started from surpassing the miscarriage pregnancy, sad that there are few that did not make it during infancy, toddler years, and childhood.  Another few are not able passed the puberty age, adolescence and adulthood. There are unlucky ones who did not make it to enter the middle age, and blessed are those who reach to senior years.  That is why being golden age is blessing to thank for because not all were blessed to become, especially during these times where life span is really short.  Much more to those who crossed the mark of 80's and centenarian they are truly the  chosen ones to experience such. But my big realization in life is that you don’t have to worry if you will not able to reach to the last, because what really matters most is you served and ended the life you lived right. 

HELLO 2024, THANKS 2023

In a company luncheon gathering just the beginning of the new year, the host asked some of the attendees to say what are you looking forward for new year-2024.  The respondents expressed their gratefulness for the fairness of the company.  Caring, teamwork and feeling at home – these are just some of the thoughts about the company being heard.  Me, while processing the thoughts just in case the mic turns to me, although I am not spontaneous when it comes to impromptu situation like this but I really tried hard to come up with my statement.

I would like to congratulate each and every one of us for completing the year 2023, and it was not just completed just complete it like that but we completed it with flying colors.  And with that being said, I can say we can complete the year 2024 even more flying colors, I mean even better than the year before.  Why? Because we ended the previous year good and it made us to start the year good.

We are in the good position, if we are in good start, then we can deal the coming challenges with belief in ourselves that we can beat them because we are in a good start, we are in a nice position to start the year right and in better position.  We have that opportunity to be smart, to be equipped, to be confident because the good opportunity is on our side.  Because the year 2023 gave us the strength and brought us where we are now.

I think if we will make this as our personal dogma, if we will put it into our life, if we will put in to our heart to end each year good to have a good start in new year, then there is no doubt that we can go up to the highest because we become better year after year, after year.  So, this is my reflection – if we do the year good, then we have that chance to better ourselves until released the best in us.

That was my supposed statement I developed to say if I will be called on but was not.  Looking back to this message, and if I will say it now as not impromptu message, then I want to say that “2023 was a significant year that empowered our position in the industry into a promising beginning.  Starting stronger, bigger, richer, and correctly, there is great opportunity for all of us to make our existence remarkable, powerful, and successful.  We are firmed on the right track, all we need to do is to carefully sustain it if we cannot exceed it.  Because of our fruitful 2023, it makes sense that year 2024 will be better than previous year because that year put us in advantageous position.  We will win over the challenges, we will meet our goals, and we will set the benchmark higher for the next year.  All these is because of ending 2023 gracefully that the year just made us ready, mightier and smarter”.

“In our life, if we have this principle, then undoubtedly sooner or later we will go up on top because we are strong, upgraded, growing, and learning every year”.

2023 was quite good to me.  I cannot say it was best and definitely was not bad.  It was just not remarkable so to speak but there were more good things that I am grateful for than the other way around.  I will make 2024 better than the year was.  I want to strengthen and broaden my goals, appreciate more my family and friends, and deepen my faith in God to make my journey to the dream life in the very near future will be healthy and easy.

DEAR 2023

Three days before year 2023 ends, I wanted to sum up how the year has passed to me.  When the year is about to end every year, I’m used to do a year look back to see how the year has fared.  I am basically emotional in ending the year that made me older again, for not achieving the goals, and about the saddening events in country, in the world, and in our planet.  But I need to go on and be strong to looking forward the hope, good fortune, and the promise of new year.

Right after Christmas, I always feel the remaining days towards the end of the year seem so fast, irrelevant and no more bearing.  One week, six days, or five days, I have a feeling of those passing days are just formality to end the year technically.  I feel the last days of the year seem to be nothing and I don’t feel them anymore.  There are still birthdays of friends, there is Rizal Day holiday, and the Ninos Inocentes day but really I don't realize it anymore because they seem to go by so fast.  The New Year is calling, it is waiving and time is counting down.  Before the year ends, I want to reminisce what happened during the year.

Two days before the new year comes, I want to thank the small and tangible things I have achieved.  I want to appreciate simple things that happened during the year.  I want to relive the happiness I felt.  There are good and not so good but I still thankful to those not good for making me harder and wiser.  The year was not actually tough to me.  It was not rough, hard and sad though it was not smooth-sailing and did not pamper me but all in all, 2023 is indeed reminding me to count my blessings than make self-pity.  Yes, there were downsides but I have to accept why they happened and make their reasons blessings.

I want to thank the friendships I have today.  It may be just in our whereabouts today but for sure I will appreciate your being part of my life when the time we set our feet home.  Some of us are in distance but I really want to tell you guys are my friends that I want to have.  I maybe so quiet, unresponsive and expressive but if I can just teach my feelings to be talkative and initiative, I wish I could.  I want to appreciate the person who is doing effort to please me for all the crazy things I did and reminded me to not blame the guilt I feel about the person that I am.  And to my family, thank you for your nonstop kindness to me.   The small kids that I really love, they remind me how I was with you before I left our home 20 years ago.  We have missed so many things together but our life is meant to be like this.

As 2023 comes to near end, I am taking a step closer to the life I am dreaming of.  Today I am becoming excited to the coming new years because I am getting closer and closer to the new chapter of my life that I have been waiting long years ago.  Thank you 2023 for bringing me to Siargao and Hinatuan, this will not happen in the next few years if I did not pursue it this year.

I do not usually believe in new year superstitions but I always believe in meditation every time the old and new year meet.  I have to feel the sadness of pains and failures of the past twelve months but I have to look forward the joy and accomplishments of the new twelve months that they may bring.  Above all, I always trust God the process.  Thank you and bye 2023 and hello 2024.

SOMETHING ABOUT FRUITCAKE

I planned really well to bake a cake for Christmas. The long preparation started actually two months earlier after the good outcome of my first attempt of baking a fruitcake.  I was overwhelmed about its result albeit with small comments from friends to reduce the sweet and consider including milk for a creamy consistency.  Although I actually did not put sugar on it but the natural sweet of dried fruits and juice make the sweetness, and I know fruitcake is not made smooth but in my desire to gratify my friends, I added evaporated milk and reduced sweet tastes.

And so I planned to have another fruitcake that is better to surpass the first one.  And with the addition of red and green ingredients on it, it will be Christmas Cake that is timely to do on the holiday season.  And this prompted me to really plan what nuts to mix and fruits to consist of, when to start the first part of preparation, and little by little bought the ingredients needed.   I even soaked the dried fruits nights before the baking proper.  This time, the colors of cherries will make the highlights of my fruitcake, aside from the added dates, pistachio and cashew nuts which I didn’t have on my first fruitcake.

But sometimes even we have prepared for a long time ahead, there are things happen to make you obstructed and lost.  Even if you prepared, it will not go along to what we want, things simply do not fall in our hands.  On the very day which is on the night before Christmas as I planned, I was stressed of rushing home because of the last minutes jobs to finish, looked for a lost thing that was not really lost but just overlooked because of rush, system glitch of apps that I needed to do first so that I can start my baking process until the last minute I finally decided to stop the preparation to do the thing that I became compromised on that moment.

So I decided to do the cake on the next day which is Christmas day.  With my measuring cups and spoons, I had the whole times making the butter, combining all the ingredients, putting them in molder and baking them following the instruction.  When I checked and tested it, I am not satisfied of the outcome.  Although it can be good enough but I wanted moist fruitcake.  I still had time and I still have some remaining ingredients left although they are not as much as I had on the first, I had less amount of size of some of the ingredients, and the one that I didn’t want to put on the first bake – I put it here in this second bake.   I started making again, and when it was baked, I was surprise when tested it – I liked it.

There is something about this fruitcake and I have realization of what happened.  This fruitcake brought me an insight that sometimes no matter how you pursued and no matter how much you prepared, things will not happen if it's not meant to be.  Sometimes your attempts of perfection bring you to distasteful, and what you did without great expectation is what makes you really happy.  Of course this doesn’t invalidate the efforts we put in whatever we do.  We just do not everything.  There are just things we thought it supposed to be that we do not think what would happen if this is what happened.

ANG AKING PAGSUSULAT-3

Nagsimula akong magsulat ng mga kuwento at tula sa edad na humigit-kumulang labing-tatlo.  Ang mga isinulat ko ay produkto ng kung ano ang nararamdaman o nalalaman ko.  Maganda o hindi, kamalian o katuwiran ay isinulat ko dahil yun ang aking nalalaman.  Isinulat ko hindi para ibenta kundi upang idokumento at itago ang mga produkto ng aking pag-iisip.  Gawa-gawa o likhang-isip man ang iba ay katotohanan pa rin yun na iyun ang aking palagay, opinyon, pagkakaalam, at paninindigan.

 

Sa panahon ngayon, marami ang nag-asta na manunulat dahil kaya lang isulat ang kanilang mga salita pero wala naman sa kanila iyung sining ng pagsusulat.  Iyung naisusulat lang nang maganda ang nasasaloob nila pero ang totoo ay hindi sila marunong magsulat nang tama.  Hindi magamit nang tama ang mga salita tulad ng “ng” at “nang”, “raw” at “daw”, at “kelan” sa halip na “kailan”.  Nakakapagsulat lamang sila pero ang totoo ay marami pa silang dapat malaman.

 

Naglabasan din ngayon ang mga sinasabing manunulat pero sinasalaula na nila ang pagsusulat sa ngalan ng pera.  Sila iyung ginagamit ang kaalaman sa pagsusulat upang ang mali ay itama at ang tama ay gawing mali.  Sila iyung binabayaran sa pagsusulat ng kasinungalinan para sa mga pansariling interes.  Kung ginagawa man nila iyun dahil duon sila binabayaran ay hindi ko iyun matatamaan.  Mula nuon hanggang ngayon, ako ay nagsusulat kung ano ang aking saloobin, kung mali man ang aking saloobin ay iyun ang katotohanan at hinding-hindi ako papayag na maikumpara sa kanila.  Ito ang hindi ko magagawa - iyung babayaran ako para magsulat ng kasinungalin. At hindi ako maniniwala na mas masahol pa ako sa mga taong nagsusulat ng kasinungalinan dahil iyun ang trabaho nila, samantalang ako ay ipinipilit ko ang mali na pinapaniwalaan kong tama.  Gustuhin ko na ang maging hanggal dahil ipinaglalaban ko ang mali na ang pagkakaalam ko ay totoo kaysa ipaglaban ang mali kahit alam kong mali dahil trabaho lang nila ang gawin iyun.  Mas gugustuhin ko na ang maging mangmang kaysa maglason ng isip ng ibang tao kapalit ng pera dahil sila ang anay sa lipunan.  Sila ang sumalaula sa pagsusulat.  Sila ang naging dahilan ng pagkakaroon natin ngayon ng kababaan ng antas ng pag-iisip.  Marami ang mga hinusgahan at napahamak dahil sa kanila pero ang totoo ay sila ang totoong nagpapagulo ng daigdig natin ngayon.  Sila ang dapat turuan ng leksiyon dahil mas masahol pa sila sa kriminal. Buong bayan ang ginugulo nila, at maraming tao ang nilalason nila ang utak, at sinisira nila ang katotohanan kaya mas masahol pa sila sa kriminal.

 

Napakarami ngayon iyung natuto lang magsulat ay akala mo’y manunulat na, nagkaroon lang ng lakas ng lakas-loob ay taga-ulat na kung umasta, at matapang lang ay tagapagsalita na ang tawag sa kanila, at iyung nabigyan lang ng kalayaan na magsalita ng magsalita sa likod ng kompyuter pero sa harapan ay hindi magagawa ang katapangan, at tingnan naman mabuti kung paano sila magsalita, magsulat at kumilos.  Kung iyun man ang bago o ang napapanahon, ang tamang pagsusulat ay hindi mawawala at hindi dapat magbago.  Huwag kang magsinungalin dahil kapatid iyon ng magnanakaw.  Sa pagsusulat mo ng kasinungalinan ay ninanakaw mo ang kaalaman ng mga tao at ibinababa mo ang mentalidad ng mga mambabasa, taga-pakinig at manonood.