There are times we go after our desire to express our thoughts about a story or character of a certain person whether negative or not. We talk some trivial things that may undesirable but not libellous about our friends, colleagues, and acquaintance. In such case, sometimes I feel guilty if I am already crossing the line of defamation or let’s say betraying a person. I know unpleasant words that in regards to someone regardless if true are harmful and damaging. In my opinion, I think almost each one of us is undergoing on the same situation with what I am going through. It may not be right but it’s usual for everyone to perceive, weigh up, and criticize his companion and he may even tell this to others. I believe it’s fine. The way it only becomes wrong is if it was told through fabricating lies and to undermine, malign and intentionally frump someone.
Unfortunately, we may have colleagues whom we found conceited, invincible, domineering, judgmental, overconfident, critical, subjective, opinionated, gourmand, unhygienic, cunning, and so forth. If I may have mentioned these colleagues’ defects to my most confidant friend, it only means expressing my insights or searching someone to talk to in making conversation and exchange of opinion but not dishonoring. I think it is not maligning that person but instead it is just being talked. There are just things and times that we cannot directly addressed our observations to the person precisely because of the said characters of that person. They’re might obvious of their bad character that you cannot just keep with yourself when you always see their character. And then you need to find someone simply to talk and not to put judgment.
For one thing, I want to speak myself what lays up within. Certainly, I know what I'm saying are just true and purely honest opinion. But when I am feeling guilty with my action, or if I feel I am unbecoming good, the way I feel otherwise is to keep in my mind the sincere and clean intention in delivering my words. Doing it without malice is freeing from distasteful conscience. If the painful truth is being told without using foul words to degrade someone but to merely talk such kind of personality and subject matter or just expressing insights, then I found not guilty. Gossiping is not bad if it is about truth, no peddling lies. Feeling guilty will only exist in black intention.
Another thing, if I have someone whom I trust or whom I am very close to confide off the record stories, then I do not believe it is betrayal. Obviously the conversation with close friends is private among themselves. If it is made merely just for conversation between few close-friends, the harm is premature to say. A private conversation is private between those who are talking. There is no direct inviting of outside potential harmful to the subject since it is a close conversation. I trust my close friends in the same way they trust me, with this we believe no stories will leak that will cause detrimental to a person.
And last thing, to feel guilty right from our heart firstly rather than felt after others have spoken is reflection of our little kindness. Accepting our guilt signifies our ability to slate ourselves and admitting our suspected faults shows humility in our personality. Adopt self-initiative in evaluating our actions, words, and judgment because it is nice to start in ourselves to feel good or bad when we said words about our friends, colleagues, and acquaintance.
Alex V. Villamayor
May 29, 2014